Highway 2 Where?

It just hit me....I mean really hit me. I was on a bike and a pebble bounced of the undulating tarmac and pinged the perspex visor on the helmet i was wearing. As i shook my head slightly smiling at the fact i hate wearing helmets (only god know who wore it before me) i realized the car that spun it of its rear tire belonged to a friend of mine. So i reiterate, It just hit me....This is really not where im suppose to be right now. A friend wrote on FB, likening our situation to that of the sinking titanic and we seem to be distracted by the band playing instead of looking out for the next raft.

Nigeria is a wonderful place, dont get me wrong but is it the place for me? Like i heard about one of the first black me on the board of Schlumbeger, how he grew up in a shitty part of naija, moved to a better part, went to uni here, then bounced....did a ,asters in the states, got employed, traveled around the world for Schlum and basically climbed the corporate ladder to the point his multi digit salary was strictly for him, everything else was paid for by the company. So i say again, it took a pebble bouncing of my head to make me realize iv been wasting time. I work hard, try to play hard, socialize often and have loads of connections, but when they zoom past me in their 4 wheeled mode of transport, flicking stones in my face, having a car in another state just dont cut it.

We are all advocates in our personal justice system. So take a sec and be your personal devils advocate. Are you where you want to be and are you doing all you can to get where you should be? In my opinion....hails no. Im an editor in an up and coming publication, yes thats good and somewhat close to that 5yr plan i made innocently in uni. but there is still so much work to do. So i say step out of the box, look in on what youve done...if its enough...try adding a'lil more. if not? GET UR ASS IN GEAR!

A Letter for Peanut

im writing you a letter...its been a while now n nada. im writing u this because im pissed. im writing you this because i watch way2much tv and i dont know what else2do. i promised you id never hurt u and i promised you i wouldnt let u leave me without a fight. so here i am... you told me its hard for you, you tried2 explain how you felt and i guess i just didnt fully understand because im still here thinking about u and wondering if your ok. i worry about you all the time and now im writing you because i still love you. life is short, life is hard. we all have2make decisions daily that change the entire course of out future. i dont know what its like for yo but i know im pissed evry day i tell myself not to call u. im annoyed everytime somthing happens in my life and i dont text you. but i have to b a man for fuck sake. if i keep putting all of myself into a relationship then its no suprise i usually end up hurt. dont get me wrong im not questioning your feelings for me or making excuses for you but rather explaining to myself. you have your life to lead and all the caring in the world aint gona make a diffrence if im over here and your over there.
i havnt forgoten the first nite we flirted on the fone and the shivers i got when you told me u loved me but iv come to terms with the fact that i have done everything in my power to keep u loving me. im no genious, i dont have parents that give me evrything i want but i know i have a good heart and i gave it all to you the 1st day i woke up next to u. im a sissy when it comes to alot of things but i dont wana bitch out now. i sit in vgc writing this as mosquitos buzz around me and iv told myself i wount give in. im waiting for you. im waiting for you to ask if im ok, im waiting for u to tell me how school has been going, im waiting for you to ask me y i havent called or mailed...im evn waiting for an lol response to my black nylon story.
i told you im here for u...and now understand thats not enough. so im not taking my heart back from you but im just keeping alil of it back in a box. i hurt evrytime i try but im not gona stop trying. i love you and ive hurt several people because of that but that doesnt matter right now.
im not sending you this so if you actually are reading this 1of 2things have happend.
i love you no matter what peanut and my feelings havent lessend. im just writing this because i miss talking2u...

i just miss you but haven't been enough 4both of us.

jly.x

Home is where the fart is

I have come to realise another thing this morning (I tend to think a lot don't I?), well whilst I parade in the slowest fashion to work in depression inspired traffic I took stock of my life...(in bite size chunks cause a feature film would surpass the2 hour journey). I don't seem2have a home...I mean, its not like I'm a hobo or a leaching house jumper, but as I'm never in my parents house and I don't have a place of my own yet - I'm pretty close to a homeless guy. The major difference being that I have a job and good friends.
Ok, I'll do a little recap of the past 10 years for you; stayed in a hostel, then another one, then to a house, then with a friend, on to my uncles and now I'm at another friends. The longest I ever stayed at HOME was 3 months about two years ago. Which brings me to my initial point. We as humans need to be able to find association with home and comfort or else we feel lost. So when in a situation like mine we convince ourselves where ever we are is home.
Many people find themselves in similar situations all the time and some tend to feel down or lost, but it happens to us all an is just part of the becoming who we are process.
So where ever you end up, with your aunt, in a bq with a random cousin or just the back room with a friends friend. Remember that this is a transitional place..work hard for your future and you'll be harbouring randoms yourself in no time.
Home is where the heart is...and if you can fart without looking around anxiously, your pretty much at home.

The things we do for love.

Its funny, I'm talking bout how funny we act when we "think" we're in love. Come on, think about it; we stop the human self preservation instinct and start putting som1 else 1st. How weird is that?..scientifically of course..its called self preservation for a reason. Single people will have 20 bucks and think shit...how's this gonna get me2my next pay check but some1 in love is all like..hhmmm don't think 20 bucks I'd enough for our date...DATE?..is that what's really important at this point in time?
Well it happens, to all of us...even those of us who like to think they're immune..the hard guys, players and jaded chicks..we all sucome2mushy-isims every now and then.
When there's a love interest...and I mean love not crush or lust...we drop everything n start thinking how we're gonna get to be around this person. We miss work, lie to our friends even skip bowling night..its unreal...bowling night damn it!
That's why I came to terms with love...did you ever notice they never say "smartly in love" or "organised in love" its always "crazy for her" or "mad about him" n let's not forget the basic "fall in love"...last time I checked, falling was a bad thing.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, we all do it, birds, bees, even educated flees...we all are suceptable2that earthly affliction called love. But as we have our opposable thumbs that keep us at the top of the food chain...we should be wiser about these things. Its all well and good to be googoo gaga at age 16 and even when you just hit 20...but if we still falling, tripping and being mad all over the place after a certain age...we have a problem.
Be smart about it..wake up and smell the coffee..when your heart starts pounding faster and your thinking about erecting a stadium in her honour. Stop, Look, And listen...is she worth it and is he really who you think he is? Love hurts but is also the key to our humanity. So take you time and do it right.
I mean...you only live once, so let's not spend half of it sulking over some girl that tookyo ur heart n ran or some guy that "inevitably" slept with your friend.
Live your life...but be smart about it.

The review

So as we approach the end of the year its in our human nature to take a second and look back. I mean, so much has happened this year; from unfortunate bombs like dragon ball the movie to amazing rekindling of the series lost.
We at decibel aim to please so let's just share a few tasty tid-bits with you here.

Movies-
The Soloist-
Now we've all witnessed the tremendous growth of Jamie Fox and that of robert downey jr, with their consecutive hit after hit respectively and in my opinion this movie just adds another notch to their belts. The movie starts of telling a tale about a Los Angeles columnist as he searches for a new story. This brings him to an overly talented street urchin in funny clothes and a patented shopping cart to boot. His two stringed violin still manages to capture the heart of the reporter as well as you the viewer.
In this movie you will be bombarded with great acting, astonishing character relations and as expected by its cast wonderful comic timing, while they find different ways to keep tugging at your heart strings. This is a movie for the intellectuals out there looking for good story telling and a captivating cast. After reminding myself I was watching a movie I had to recommend it to all who would listen.

-The hangovermany films have given us chaotic tom foolery which have kept us spitting coke n burst out laughing in the cinema, which was usually followed by an uncomfortable look around or hand over the mouth and this movie does just that. As you would expect from a movie about a bachelours eve in Vagas with a ragtag group of friends. From its outset the movies shows the slightly dysfunctional relasionship these friend have and slowly goes from a silly funny to a "OMG" kind of funny. With out giving too much away i just have to say finding a baby in the closet the next morning is not somthing anyone reading this has done before.it should be out already but you really have to see this movie. a perfect oportunity for that guys night out preamble. Get your boys, watch this movie then get the beers down you and prepare for a kick ass night.
The preconceived notion that when a bunch of (american) guys get together in Vagas all hell breaks loose is taken to a whole different level here. Its one of those comedies that have it all. So like I said, call the boys and let me know what y'all think.

Game-
Uncharted, Drakes Fortune-
We've all been there before, treasure hunting whilst solving puzzles and shooting bad guys but this game takes the cake. Whilst it constantly gets referred to as that "Tomb Raider-ish" game, Lara Croft is no where in sight. Instead we have a very masculine yet sly and cheeky main character called Drake, he may not b as agile as Mz Croft but he could sure give her a run for her money.
This clever, funny, interesting and quite challenging game pushes the PS3 or rather uses it exceptionally well. The graphics are stunning and you may find yourself jumping in the water and coming out several times just to watch his clothes dry off.
It's story meanders around the main character and a treasure map of course, then as a male oriented story there has to be some interesting female. But also with out giving too much away I have to say play the game and expect some eye opening surprises.
Just for the record, the second installment of this game just came out so hurry and finish the 1st one.

-Gears of war2
Most of us hardcore gamers have had out chainsaw guns reved in the first one and now a whole gang of us have tried out the second game. Its amazing how we never get tired of the camera angle change as blood splatters on the screen while sawing an alien in half. The first game completly draws you into the story of an imprisoned war vertan as the impending anialation of earth brings him back into action. You follow him through the game as him and a small group face bigger and more fersome creatures trying to get these aliens killed and off our planet. In the second game its more of the same crouch n shooting action just that the graphics are better and so is the gameplay. The computers AI is more clever and vicious, on multiplayer mode you will both have to master outflanking because the monsters your fighting certainly have.
Gears is a great game that will keep you busy for a while and have you replaying certain stages over and over.

Series-
Entourage-
Who would have known that Markie Mark would have made good all those years ago. As a kid I was tortured but his "music" but years later not only is he a great actor but apparently a genius. His conception of the HBO TV show entourage was pure brilliance, basic in its nature, you are bound to be drawn into their world. The show is about a newly famous movie star and his close friends and family as they bumble up and down the socialite stair way together. If you have not seen this show, stop reading, get up and go look for it. I'm serious STOP! Ok if u insist on more convincing. Season six just started and already the story is thick with sex, loyalty issues, money and romance. These things aren't why I watch it but they definitely come in handy. The series special trait is great acting, wonderful cameos, sweet sweet humour and a glimce into what we know as the hollywood way of life. I don't know about you but I can't wait for the next episode.

oyibo vs black nylon

So I just got in from a long ass road trip n I don't mean those fun trips where we meet fun and interesting charact....urm strike that last bit. Ok, Ok, funny story. I'm on my way2lagos when the bus stops at some fast food joint. My heads pounding n bodies already aching but there's stil a lot of rd ahead. So I go get sum junk like sausage rolls n a drink then head out 4 a smoke b4 I'm trapt again and this white looking kid comes up2me n holds my hand saying "blacky gimme money now" I'm a lil shockt n tell him sorry I dnt hav any to give u n pull my hand away...he folows me rnd d parking lot n keeps asking..he says"black man..u get now" n I look at him n say "white man...I dnt" so he slyly says "anyway I dnt like black nylon anyway" and walks away..I look at him n say "well its a shame oyibo pepper like u no like am, cus na food de inside" and I dangle a black bag wit my drink n snacks inside.then I lite my smoke n think...wat a wonderful world as he comes and begs some more...
Ps for those who don't know, oyibo pepper is what lots of african kids growing up called white people...no offence, its just what we did

oyibo vs black nylon

So I just got in from a long ass road trip n I don't mean those fun trips where we meet fun and interesting charact....urm strike that last bit. Ok, Ok, funny story. I'm on my way2lagos when the bus stops at some fast food joint. My heads pounding n bodies already aching but there's stil a lot of rd ahead. So I go get sum junk like sausage rolls n a drink then head out 4 a smoke b4 I'm trapt again and this white looking kid comes up2me n holds my hand saying "blacky gimme money now" I'm a lil shockt n tell him sorry I dnt hav any to give u n pull my hand away...he folows me rnd d parking lot n keeps asking..he says"black man..u get now" n I look at him n say "white man...I dnt" so he slyly says "anyway I dnt like black nylon anyway" and walks away..I look at him n say "well its a shame oyibo pepper like u no like am, cus na food de inside" and I dangle a black bag wit my drink n snacks inside.then I lite my smoke n think...wat a wonderful world as he comes and begs some more...
Ps for those who don't know, oyibo pepper is what lots of african kids growing up called white people...no offence, its just what we did

is there a dr in the house?

It all started with a wake up call..5am on a tuesday morning I struggled with sleep reaching for my fone. See, yhis isn't realy a blog or a tale to keep you thinking days on end but as you may have realised, I just like to talk. Ok so I got out of bed around 6 after rolling around for a while only to fall flat on my face because I couldn't co-ordinate my feet. It was weird. This was the first of many falls which led me to where I am today. And that's in a private hospital in port harcourt. Its weird because if anyone told me I'd b here n going through this I would have had some not very nice things to say. You see it turned out that the wake up call was just that..it was the first signal in the way of pointing out we are all fragile little creatures. Its not like I had a God complex or thought I could never die but most of us live like nothing can harm us. I had a wonky heart and funky kidneys n I would have never known. I was an advocate of the saying "we are all a combination of our past experiences" and here I was an amalgamation of all the funny illness iv had and reaping what I'd sown.
I aint dying and I aint looking for sympathy. Lifes just hard and complex with many unseen bumps along the way. If this can reach just one person, I'll be glad that I told them...go get a check up. You never know what's up. I mean, if you had a car, you wouldn't wait till its stalling on the highway before you see a mechanic right?

To fail is to learn how to win

This is kinda personal, its basically stuff that's always on my mind so i thought id just let it all out and see what happens. This is about me and the women of my past, you see every girl iv liked has affected my life in some way and im just coming to terms with it. Some were a good influence and well some.....were not. But the point is that if you don't learn from every experience you've encountered or had the good fortune to be tossed your way, well then you're just passing time and not really living.

OK, I'm majorly writing this for my own benefit and not looking to start a debate or just look for trouble. This is just me reminding myself to live,learn and love. If you pick up something along the way...goodie.

It all started when i was young and a lot more impressionable than a kid at a magic show. She was so nice to me and we were good friends i guess, so wen my friends told me she wanted to be my girlfriend i kinda freaked out, i had never even thought of her like that and this was gonna be my first girlfriend. I didn't want to hurt her so i just said yes. only to get home from the youth club disco (yes, that's how young i was) and realize id just goofed big time....we broke up 2 days later.
- (lesson: if its not a reciprocal thing...it aint gona work. so just her liking you is not enough)


A few years later in a different school i fall head over heals for this girl. we hang out a lot and have fun, as kid do. Then one night we kiss and as 1st kisses go, it was phenomenal, im ova d moon and so ask her out. we're happy in this relationship until presto, she gets bored and ends it only to reel me back in a couple weeks later. See she was my 1st real love...i kept going back to her every time (im so not telling you how many times) but eventually i realized we were not meant to be together so this time i end it and for the last time.
- (lesson: if she can hurt you once, she can do it 100 times. its just up to you to decide)


So there i was, hurt n disappointed with the world when this new girl joins our school. Sexy, mysterious, pretty and as far as high school goes, bad. id admire her from far all the time as we were in totally different worlds but one day someone told me she liked me. i couldn't believe it till she found me one evening and told me herself. So I'm no moron, that was it... i was with a girl i used think about all the time and it was great.....until we realized our separate worlds just didn't match. Me wit my rollerblading, action junkie crew and her with the bomber jacket wearing smokers. we were young and just couldn't find the strength or put in the effort to make it work.
- (lesson: find someone who's world you can live in or can live in yours, its a relationship, not a dictatorship)


My lil'heart still looking for a beat to sync wit realizes his good friend in art class makes it beat a little faster each class but as fate would have it, shes a good friend and tells me everything including how she has a major crush on another friend of mine. So i make it my job to ensure her happiness and get together.
- (lesson: STAY OUT OF D FRIEND ZONE) a lesson i never seemed to learn well enough.


There more of course, a bit older but not much wiser, off i went to collage, scarred but still smiling. Some friends i i decide to go watch a movie and have a group bonding session. But low and behold the others in the group pair up and just two of us are left, i have no idea what came over me but i think our friends make out sesh drove us on a walk where i did a movie-esk grab and kiss under a flowery archway in the moon lite, starting my next adventure...she was great, funny, smart, pretty and basically my girlfriend. Everything was great till life happened. i had a lot of personal crap going on (work, family crisis, travel chaos, the works) and i didn't want to drag her into it so i broke up wit her n thought id done the right thing.
- (lesson: unless both parties try to make it work n share their stress and problems, it aint gonna happen. Barney says it best "caring is sharing")


Ok so now more time past and im in another country. She cares but there's always just something off, she kept nagging me constantly about where i was or who i was with. The pestering finaly got much, so i started asking my own questions, just to find she was playing mind games n eventually learn she was the one actually cheating.
- (lesson: if shes paranoid n jealous all d time shes probably the one hiding somthing.)

I really could go on because there is a lot more to be said but to be totally honest here, you don't really care do u? what with all own troubles and joys fluttering around you, but iv done my part in writing all i have and you've read this much so we're even. hey, you even got to know me a'lil better n i got to vent a bit.

Life's a learning process and there aint no short cuts, iv bin hurt but i also learned somthing each time. i keep at it cause that's what we humans do, you fall down, so get up and dust urself off, but you watch your step next time...

Parting words i knicked from somewhere.
"Just because the rose died on the vine. Doesn't mean it lied 2u wen it was in bloom."

WHY THE LEAD ONs

There i was ready to design some stunning art work for some communications company and as i switch on the computer and get ready to really get stuck it to the work, i see a text document on my desktop. Im like "hey, who left this here" (if you know me, you'll know I'm very pinikety about my desktop tidiness) any way, no one owned up to it so i gave it a gander. Low and behold it was actually quite good...it was a woman's point of view on why you women find it so hard to turn some guys away. well, I'll just let you read it;

I’ve always wondered why women take time to say no to guys. When I say guys I mean the ones that come like knights in shinning amour. The ones with the angelic face and magical touch. As good as they look a lady can or should only pick one out of all the miracles knocking at her door. Now what happens to the others? You would say: WE LEAD THEM ON…. Now why do we do that? Well, I’ve always wondered that and during my search for answers, I got so many stories like;

⁃ He’s just too nice to be treated that way.
⁃ He’s very emotional and I don’t want to hurt him.
⁃ I don’t care. ⁃ I told him but he didn’t seem to get it.
⁃ I’ll let you know as I continue with my research.

However, what I deducted from all our stories is that every girl wants to be appreciated, wanted and fussed over. This is what makes even the most independent women hesitate in their No’s when it comes down to it. We all want the regular calls, heart warming text messages the flattery, flirting, attention and care that used to be in our relationship at the very beginning when the fire was burning intensely from the masculine side of the wall and so even though we know quite well that when it comes to it, a big No is more like it, we still stall till it becomes inevitable. Then we say “what the hell, No, I can’t go out with you”

Ok, so its not exactly nobel peace prize winning stuff and could just be an extract from a random girly website, but it did the job. It got me thinking. As a "nice guy" I've heard all this malarkey before, "i just like the attention", "its not like i begged him to take me to the concert" or even "its not like i was doing anything else" but inevitably they always end up with a huge hairy "But". Sometimes the persistent nice guy gets the girl but usually she gets bored of all the late night calls and texts so sweet diabetics would be weary of them. So i guess as with almost every aspect of male/female relations, this is just another thing we have to get used to (Mr nice guy...I'm talking to you) see women love attention and if you want her to notice you, its all well and good to bombard all her senses with sweetness and romance but if you don't change gears after a short while you may end up in the zone of no return, "the friend Zone". Once a nice guy gets benched in "the zone" its harder than a hobbit throwing away a ring to get out.

Women will lead guys on because its in their programming, guys learn young that if you want something, you go get it cause it aint sprouting wings and fluttering over. But girls on the other hand learn that if something good comes their way, they do what they can to keep it around as long as possible.

I guess what I've learned in my own way is that to much of any thing can get quite sickening and its the same with the ladies. "the perfect man" could turn out to be "the annoying man" if the term moderation is not applied in good doses to any relationship...even if its a one night stand. I heard about some movie where they explained a smidgen about the woman's mind, it was a scene were a little girl goes home crying about how a boy in her class kept bullying her, the mother kneels down next to her and with a loving warm smile says something like "sweetie, its alright. Tommy does those mean things because he doesn't know any other way to show you that he likes you". That was that, it explained so much to me because if you think about it, the sweet boy who defended her or helped her get the gum out of her hair was no were in that picture. She remembers the bad boy and the good boy gets sidelined. so this is just a rough summation but basically the women in our lives want the bad boys but keep the good boys around out of necessity. I mean who else is gonna come over a 11 p.m. with a box of tissues, tubs of blue bunny ice cream, a large pizza and a warm smile?

bro coded-ness

so, there i was on facebook (as u do) and i remembered my good friend "puffy". This guy inspires me to write more and more... I mean, look, he's a good friend and all but me coming on here to (almost) imortally proclaim my homie as a "good" "writer" is kinda asking for trouble (yeah...he has a big head already...this is just gonna make beer night ever worse).
Any way...the moral of my little ditty here is that i wana upload a beaut of a write up i saw recently. Its called "THE OFFICIAL WINGMAN TRAINING MANUAL" and has little rules of how to be there for you hombre in thier times of need.
Just read it ok?

FLIGHT SIMULATION: THE OFFICIAL WINGMAN TRAINING MANUAL


Teamwork is essential when trolling for ladies, but you’re only as strong as your partnership. And out on the prowl, things can get nasty. Friends who aren’t on the same page split up and get outgunned, they target the wrong girls… or worse, they target the same girl.
So it’s time to ask yourself: what kind of friend are you? Would you lie like a rug, fight like a man, and willingly take home a clock-stopper for the sake of a pal? All in the same evening? Would you manage an embarrassingly sad night with a man looking woman just to help a buddy get in there with her friend? The following rules will guide you through most situations a pair of partners (or even instant allies) are likely to encounter in the field. Read them. Know them. Live them. It’d be a shame if you got grounded, soldier!


DUTY #1

WIPE HIS BEER GOGGLES

If he takes her home, he’s gonna blame you ── so make like Jiminy Cricket and be his consience.

Situation: Is he rip-roaring drunk? Sad clown morose? On the lam after years in a men-only prison barge? Who knows? The dangerous thing is that his judgment of the fairer sex is way, way off. It’s bad enough the girl he’s scamming sports circus-tent underwear, but all his pro boner work for the not so cute Foundation is killing any shot he has had at the "whoop whoop" worthy babes…and what's worse is that he's bringing you right down the evolutionary ladder with him.

Your mission: Saving your pal from scoring with the "wrong" target is one of a wingman’s primary functions, so you must advise in the strongest possible terms against unsavory engagements. If he brushes aside your vigorous objection in front of at least one witness, you are officially relieved of your wingman responsibilities. But if it’s an encounter you’re 100 percent certain your pal will later regret, frag him with a smart bomb: “Hey, [insert friend's name here]. Tell her about your white cell blood count.” or "has that itching in your pants stopped yet?" and make sure she's very close by.


DUTY #2

BACK UP HIS LIES

Misinformation is powerful social ammunition…Bombs away!

Situation: Your buddy is pinned deep behind enemy lies…er… lines, and now he’s trying to upgrade his McJob status with a string of whoopers ─ with extra cheese. The girls are skeptical. After all, it’s not everyday that two nice girls meet a billionaire Ferrari test driver who also wrote the screenplay for Gladiator.

The mission: Support his cockamamie story as if your life depended on it ─ no lie is too big or too asinine when two experienced soldiers are shoveling together. Did he just “confess” his nickname in college was King Dong? Time to tell the ladies how Miramax called about having him play the lead role in their upcoming John Holmes biopic. Is he claiming he invented the question mark? Explain what a pain those five-cent royalty checks are to cash. Feel free to steal yourself a piece of his fame (“He only tests the concept car models I design”), but no matter how bizarre the crap coming out of his mouth is, always stay in formation and never leave your pal hanging; if he goes down in flames, so do you. So keep one hand clenched on the rip cord (“But enough about us. What do you girls do?”) in case his fortress of fabrication begins to crumble.

DUTY #3

FALL ON A GRENADE

War ain’t pretty, and neither is “the friend”? This is your mission.

Situation: Your gunner has successfully engaged a sexy MIG (mighty interesting girl) at the bar. But danger lurks in the form of her booty-faced Klingon co-pilot, a bitter she-ape who’ll do or say anything to disrupt his flight plan. Remember, wingmen: if you’re not with him, you’re against him.

The mission: Once a pilot locks onto a MIG encumbered in this fashion, it’s up to his wingman to engage the bogey and remove her from the theater of operation. Feigning interest ─ buying her drinks, laughing at her stupid jokes, offering to read her hoof ─ may suffice to pull her aside, but if necessary, the wingman should be prepared to take her "all the way" (otherwise known as trekking the Ho She Man Trail). If you find yourself saddled, literally, with such a mission, simply close your eyes, suit up (a biohazard suit is recommended), and take it like a man. Needless to say, the pal benefiting from this sacrifice must keep his wingman’s awful secret until death; he also owes his suffering friend one beer for every one-to-10 point of attractiveness separating his beauty from your beast.

DUTY #4

BACK HIM UP IN A BRAWL

All’s fair in love and bar fighting ─ so where the hell were you?

Situation: You return from a well-deserved trip to the little boys’ room only to find your co-pilot in a Karate Kid crane stance, a broken half of a pool cue in each hand, surrounded by goons the size of Andrea the giant. “I’m warning all you punks!” he screams louder than Genevieve in one of her angrier scenes, “I’m a third-degree black belt in karaoke.”

Your mission: Your primary duty is to protect both your asses, but if diplomacy fails, you might have to engage. How your alcohol soaked pal got himself into this predicament makes no difference; the Wingman Code of Honor is crystal-clear. For single combat, the rule of thumb is: Same height, let ‘em fight; bad guy bigger, pull the trigger (uh, for you trigger happy psychos, I mean jump in and fight, not shoot him). Six of them and one of him? You’re duty-bound to stand by your pal, even if it means getting your ass kicked six ways to Sunday. (However, if his earlier dumbass behavior fully warranted this beating and this is the fourth beat-down you’ve saved his ass from this week, you don’t have to rush right in: Go ahead and finish your beer.)

DUTY #5

KEEP HIM CORRUPT

Love is wonderful...but not when it interferes with decadence duty.

Situation: Your former partner in crime has gone AWOL. Whether he’s brokenhearted and won’t engage or his new warden/ wife or girlfriend has him in a chokehold, he’s stepped off the crazy train and is at severe risk of puncturing himself in a knitting accident. As his good friend, he hopes you’ll understand. You won’t.

Your mission: This is a DEFCON 3 situation: You’ve got to bring your partner back into the fold as soon as possible or he’ll never be in a position to do the same for you. Tailor your plan to fit his malfunction. Broken heart? Bombard his office with nightclub fliers, organize a field trip with the guys, and get him hooked up at all costs…even if you have to spring for the, er, entertainment. Whipped? Use any pretext to get him out on the town with you ─ and once he’s there, hide the keys, pony up on the shots, and get his little kamikaze pilot so drunk he won’t know Sarah Jessica Parker from Mr. Ed. Help him remember what life’s all about. Note: In no case should a wingman wait more than three months before mounting a rescue, and once the target has been acquired, watch out for pathetic attempts to slink out early. Remember, your partner’s not in his right mind, and you’re perfectly within your rights to block his retreat by tying his sissy ass down.

DUTY #6

GET HIM HOME ALIVE

It’s all fun and games until your buddy wakes up in jail.

Situation: Your co-pilot is out of control ─ he’s about to do the unthinkable with the "entertainment" at his bachelor party right in front of his future brother-in-law, or he’s gone overboard and wants to relieve himself into open police car windows. Either way, he’s about to be more screwed than the bolts holding down the eiffel tower.

Your mission: A wingman’s most sacred duty is to get his partner home in one piece, with body, mind, code of ethics, and arrest record intact. Of course you should tie his car keys to the back of his belt loop and throw the poor guy in the back of a cab after Joe’s, but that’s just the beginning. It’s your job to make sure he doesn’t do anything over the course of the evening that’s going to make him suicidally mortified ─ or divorced, or incarcerated, or dead ─ in the morning. When any of these loom large, the good wingman can and should resort to lying, bribery, guilt trips, a sucker punch, or a well-placed bitch-slap. (“Sorry, [insert friend's name here]. I’m doing this for your own good.”) Anything short of breaking the buddy code of silence is fair game; use your discretion. But whatever you do, soldier, never leave a man behind. That’s an order.

Puffy.


ok, so there you have it. words of wisdom if i ever heard them. Some bits may sound very familiar and others come straight outa "barney's book of bro coded-ness" (see how i met your mother) but you have to admit, as a guy...we need to have each others back...the women out number us and lets be honest, they sure know how to use our heads. So as he says, "Your primary duty is to protect both your asses" so get out there and score, score score.....

im outy

My TV nanny

what exactly are we?.... Think about it?... What are we and how did we get to be "that"?... A product of our parents love or neglect, a summation of what we've been subjected to in schools and social groupings? or even just an projection of who we think we should be at this point in our lives?

Well.... I don't know about you but I figured out for damn sure that I'm a sum of all the TV iv watched over the years, really, if you know me you will realize that I just seem to know quite a lot of random information. Its helped me become so sort of one stop shop, problem solver. Its cool, but when i think about it its always freaky.
Example time; this one time i went to a hospital because a friend got hit by a car, when the doctor came in and asked what was wrong and i went into my Gray's anatomy/house/scrubs routine, diagnosing her head ache was due to dehydration from the copious amounts of alcohol imbued that night. The hit from the car gave her a mild concussion, hence her thinking a lekki hospital was somewhere near Crowley and her insistence that she could still get the tube in V.I.
Basically the doctor asked if i was a doctor and though i couldn't hide the smile of pride (he must have just been being polite, but still) as i said no, that i just seem to know stuff. Then he went on to say i was right, making my head swell all the more.

My point?.... Im a genius.....ok...no but well we are all brought up differently and come to be who we are today through different means. I was just in awe of the fact that after all the schools I'v been through and all the forms of education which have been through me...here i stand...still a product of the world of media. Magazines like GQ make me want to be a certain way, TV shows like "how i met your mother" make me want to have certain types of social interactions and then we have all the comic knowladge and movie triva stored up in my cranial cavity so I know scientific experiments, Police procedure, the meanderings of the judicial system, cooking methods, outdoors/survival skills, even frikin hand to hand combat and all this is because i tune in from time to time.

TV didn't raise me, but it sure helped a whole lot.

i do graphica yea?

What the hell am i doing?...i have a blog! ok...i just realized i don't exactly have the biggest following but...hey, im a graphic artist...so here are a couple bits of my work...please gimme some comments so il know if im actually getting better.

Ok so this one was for a dance studio and yes i know that was obvious.

One big old rant (stupid frickin sayings)

This one came to me out of anger and a lot of frustration, but here it is nonetheless.

There are so many things we hear out and about and then we find ourselves saying them with out fully understanding, but we just let them go buzzing out of our mouths like little humming birds, flapping like crazy in every direction…. I mean…if we know the grass is greener on the other side of the fence no matter what side we’re actually on at that time. Then why do we even bother comparing…its so sad that we know what the majority of our problems are but we wait for someone else to amble in to our lives and point them out to us…then we get all pissed off because no ones suppose to mention our faults. I mean not to your face anyway.

And what the heck is the point of telling me “what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger” that’s just a weak cop-out in most cases because the only time you here that is when you’ve jus dug your way out of 10 tones of crap (hypothetically obviously). I mean its not like we like in the world of duke nukem or the Mario brothers where a wrong turn actually means your dead. Or like after you win the lottery that very saying is still valid. This now brings me to another of my absolute faves for sore losers… something you have undoubtedly been told at some point in your life when your frustrated and need comforting…some genius comes over and says “everything happens for a reason”. ……WELL, NO SHIT…really? It’s a shame because I thought things actually happened for no apparent reason actually. Ok, I’ll calm down. Its really sad because I still find myself saying it at times and I'm so tired of the thought that people are saying…you came last. “For a reason” or “she took all your money and left you heart broken “for a reason” why so you can be miserable…great…so what exactly is the “Reason” for people blowing up in wars and all that marvelousness that it brings along with it exactly? I bet they’re up in heaven or whatever going “yeah I always wanted 2 b in a million pieces so I guess this was a good thing” or “iv bin meaning to lose weight” whatever… (its obvious I don’t want to dig to deep right?)

Don’t you find it frustrating when you have a problem one of your “friends” comes up and they know the last thing you want to do rite now is have a comparison war…but they always do it, don’t they? I mean, come on, my dog just died but your goldfish died when you were 3? So I guess I feel much better now…. NOT!!! I don’t want to hear bout what u went through that makes u think we’re kindred spirits all of a sudden…. I have a problem here…be a friend and listen, give me good suggestions or just try and sympathies with me…don’t give me any made up crap bout how you have it worse…its just not the way to go.

Ok, I could go on but I decided it’s also annoying we your talking to someone and they start bitching and moaning about something and just don’t want to stop…so…

pop that booty

so, as usual my friends have inspired my mind (yes it does happen). You know how these things go, your talking with friends and then the conversation gets all intense and deep and next thing you know yall are fighting for your turn to put your own two cents in. Well it was one of those.

On the ever loved Facebook some one asked why all music videos basically consist of booty shaking women and copious amounts of voluptuous cleavage. She was asking (of course its a she) "what ever happened to some r.e.s.p.e.c.t" and well i thought about it.....not like its a once in a life time thing but yeah...i thought about it.

You see, its been brought to my attention many times that the female form is far more appealing to look at than the male. i mean...on facebook once again there was this video of a "guy"...dancing to a Beyonce song and though i could not bring myself to finish the video, it goes to prove my point. The video was quite grouse but hey...im a dude...and they guy was more feminine than a diva in a shoe store fighting over minolos.

Hey, I'm not choosing sides here, but if u think about it...when u look at a "HOT" guy..all rippling in the pectorals..like a sack of meat...then in contrast you look at the slender frame of "stacked" video chicks, with their pouting, dipping, licking and what not...which is more pleasing to the eye?
I'll have to admit that i really do get tired of the same old tried n tested booty shaking video...but come on, most times even girls would rather look at another girls.... not that booty popping, well hosed down females necessarily are put there to get a wide female viewership or that our generation of women like women (that just sounds wrong) but then again, who wants so look at gyrating hulks in "300" style get ups? i know i don't...but then im not gay....so i guess that's just how it is...for now...more women...less men or art even.

anyway..we do respect yall women...that's why most songs out there are made in honor of you wonderful creatures, whom we men may never understand.

On another note...lets not forget that its been said "sex sells"...Men live for women, some cant admit it but if you dig deep you will realize. We go to school to get a good job, we want said good job, to make good (if not great) pay and the good pay is to get the lifestyle we have always longed for. This lifestyle (for most of us) would include women and im not saying women want us for our money (that's a different blog altogether) but a good lifestyle will definatly attract the female of our species. Hence sex sells....and we buy it in the dozens.
We grow up thinking about women, learning about women, hurting and being hurt by women, so sometimes we don't mind (some of us love) just looking at them...the fantasy ones we see in the videos are just that...eye candy. we all know that the gorgeous docile creatures that grace Neyos dancy vids really aren't as sweet and perfect in real life.

So lets just leave it at that...because as long as there are men in the world. There will be women who what to let them know they cant have them...like a kid holding his triple layered ice cream singing "you can not have some, i know you want it". So we will always have videos with some guy rapping or singing while well lubricated women traipse around them popping that booty n licking their moistened lips.

What you gonna do?

some positve motivation (like a cupa cocoa)

Its easy to think lifes a drag wen u crawl along day to day whinging n moaning about a late bus or a missed phone call, forgetting within ourselves we all have the potential for greatness. I write this not to mock anyone's suffering or missed meeting caused by said late bus, but because I myself have realized the failing in my thought process (you know a lot of us have this so stop mean muggin) . Ideas are the main stay of our civilization, Einstein had an idea, Malcolm x had one too and just these two men from differing generations have caused great change in the path of our communal growth as a planet. If just these two men (we all know there are several otheres) can actually change our course as a planet in this vast and endless universe then why cant i? Why cant you? Most of us don’t even dare ask this question because not only are we afraid of how petty our excuses are but we are actually scared we may be somebody. We may be someone more than we have been our whole lives. “Life is the time God gave us to figure out what we want to do for eternity”…I read this somewhere and a life is a long time. Find a 6 year old and tell them the short time they’ve spent on earth is meaningless and the look in their eyes should tell you that no matter how short life is….it is beautiful and full of potential.
We can make a difference, all we need to do is try.

What’s your deepest fear?

In the words of Rick Gonzalez from the movie Coach Carter; “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our dark that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people the power to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

These words resonated within me as I came to the knowledge that its words were true. We all strive for success in our own different ways but we sometimes use others as helpers. We ask each other for advice when deep within we know what we want to do, we seek approval for things we’ve done even if we are immensely pleased with them to begin with. We are all afraid to shine. Each and every one of us was made in the likeness of our Father God and we are meant to shine brightly but we hold ourselves back.
Some people rely too much on the words of others and can’t move forward until friends or family reaffirm them. Some people don’t believe enough in themselves to move forward with ideas and notions that could change the world. Great people from our past have taken on the challenge to do great things and achieve their hearts desires through sheer force of will and determination. We can do the same. Prove to those that doubt you, by being great. Show them the ideas they laughed at could bear fruit and was a good thing to begin with. If you need reassurance get it from those that are hard to please, it will be hard to earn their praises but it will be more rewarding when you do.

A friend once told me that by sharing ideas we think we’re trying to get reassurance but we are actually showing others that we can be great. We share to prove we are growing by getting one better idea than the last. So we tend to use our friends as benchmarks, but the only way to make this information exchange relevant is to THINK them then DO them. If the idea that’s discussed doesn’t come to fruition then its time wasted.

As they quote above says, “As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” So go out and dream big, over come your fear by doing just what frightens you and do it well. Your greatness will show and it should rub off on those around you.

What is my greatest fear?
I fear that I won’t be the great man I’m destined to be but with that in mind I can only strive harder to make my fears succumb to me. I will achieve, I will do well and I won’t have this fear any more. Because as soon as we realize what we are afraid of, we can take steps to overcome them and become better people on the other side.

Take a minute and think. What is your deepest fear? And how can you over come it?

What happens next?

Was just talking to a friend and they really got me thinking. Years pass and we still have a million more choices and different paths spread out in front of us. No one told us it was going to be easy being adults but DAMN…this isn’t even funny. But if we really sit and think about it, we basically have to decide 2 things: have we achieved anything of substance so far and are we happy with the direction our lives are taking? So far as our younger ones are concerned, they just have to finish the last few stages of little big planet, buy the latest lil’ gizmo out there or spend their hard eared pocket money on sweets and what-not (I know those were my problems…oh n girls when I realized they existed, but that’s a whole nother blog) and well, they still have quite a while to go before they have to think (seriously) about all this real world stuff. But I realized early that there are many important decisions I have to make and am hoping that so far I have already made quite good ones.
If you really think about it most of us just go through the motions at our schools, at uni and even at our first places of work and then we just count down the days till the next section of life begins. This is not how it should be. You’ll soon realize that a time will come when next term or next semester will equal the real world. For some our jobs may be tasking/ different from our norm/ boring etc but we should never lose sight of the initial dream we all have or had within us. You may not have a well defined or structured idea of what that dream is, but by university you better start formulating some kind of plan…or else…no really, I mean it…or else.
The two questions I asked earlier were to make you all think, and dude, think hard because it gets a lot tougher before it gets easier. Unfortunately we have lost some good friends in the battle to reach 2009 but we all know the good Lord is with us and with him we can do anything. We pray for the families and friends of those who past, got lost along the way or even just lost track of were they we suppose to be going. That being said we should strive to be better people as we are here now.
So have we achieved anything? Most of us in Nigeria have either gone through, are going through or will have to go through the fascinating experience that is “Youth service”. I won’t lie to you but the truth is that most corps members end up doing secretarial work or generally being errand boys or girls, but as bad as those situations are, we are graduates and its up to us to find a way to use this time to not only help our county (ok…you with the grin on you face. Stop it) but we should also help ourselves. Learn a trade in your spare time; learn a different language, research on a masters programs etc. there are lots of other ways to move forward.
Then, “the direction of our lives”? Well entering university we had to come to terms with our lives direction and in some cases were asked to come up with 5 year plans. Where are you on that plan? Its time to take stock of our lives and move forward with it. Life is complex and demanding but as a member of the human race it is our duty to succeed.
One thing is for sure, no one is going come up to you and say; “hey (blah blah) your smart. Be a rocket scientist, it’ll b a snap”. Ok, people will tell you stuff like that but the point is that how much of the random friendly and evil information will actually help shape your future…. If you’re waiting for an answer, then there’s a bigger problem than I thought.

Its your future. Plan it then live it.

The way they make us live

We live in an ever-changing environment and everyday we learn new things, which change our perceptions or generally alter the way we view previously conceived ideas. The internet, mobile technology, satellite televisions and many of the wonderful advancements of our age just help to connote the fact that times will keep changing as long as technology keeps advancing. We as a society have been slowly changing to fit in our ever changing world, for example growing up I played an Atari with 16bit graphics and used to stay up at night dreaming about the levels and game play, then at about my seventh birthday my brothers got a Nintendo entertainment system. Just as I was learning the ins and outs of Mario, the Sega genesis was introduced (about a year after the NES). We learnt the new rules of game play and the amazing new "3rd" button on the control pad, this then spawned into a love for Sega which gave us the Sega mega drive. But before our love for sonic was well placed we got the super Nintendo and once again we didn’t complain but just asked our parents to buy it for us....by age 10 we had the Playstation and N64....then we (and I mean every family that wanted peace in their homes) got the dream cast. The game play changed a little with every console and the time between improvements reduced drastically. So to sum up my point I bought an Xbox 3yrs ago and am now saving up for a Playstation 3 which virtually has a life of its own, so not only was technology advancing but so was the way we think...if you give a child of today a game from the Atari age they would ask if your insulting their intelligence. Games today don’t only come in three dimensions, high definition but the tasks are getting more and more complex and challenging so to keep up, our brains have to advance in its way of thinking.

This is just and example to show how as technology improves, so does general societies way of thinking. Consumers being the general public watch satellite TV on their high definition 24 inch screens and surf the ever changing and advancing world wide web on hybrid computers. So to keep up the product sellers spend more time advancing the products on amazing adverts all over the place, bombarding us with subliminal sales pitches on what we need and have to get in order to fit in our world today. Of course we do all fall pray to these well planed out attacks on human emotion and our general psyche but we never feel bad when we have money and have bought things we think we need.

The mobile phone market was a drastic change in our lives that we all took and still take for granted...literally 10 years ago about 80 percent of the people that have phones today walked around with phone books and change in their pockets but now we cant even live a couple days with out calling the guy in the room next door to turn the noise down or sending a text we just could have easily said wit 3 seconds of credit. Advancements like this change entire countries one person at a time and average Joes never even take a second to think about it....we just take it as things are.

And that is what most advertising firms hope will happen because if we realize we don’t need half the things we long for, then a lot of people will lose their jobs and ways of life.

Another recent change is the desensitizing effect of television and movie content. A wile ago showing a female nipple on the screen was set for after 10pm and the amount of blood allowed on the screen at any one time was measured and seriously taken into account. But today only gratuitous sex scenes are being checked....the way the beautiful cheerleader is killed at the end of scene three doesn’t matter any more just as long as the audience get a kick out of it. I was even amazed when watching an animated movie I burst out laughing at some sexual innuendo between the two lead characters (mice, ogres, donkeys etc) it slowly occurred to me that my little cousins weren’t laughing and where now asking me to explain the joke...I had to make something up because I didn’t want my aunt calling me up and asking why I told her 6 year old what spooning was (and if you don’t know, than don’t worry about it).

People today go out and buy things to enhance their ways of life (like dish washers, vacuum cleaners etc) by taking out a lot of the menial tasks, but there are also things which now have become a must have (mobile phones, personal computers, internet connections etc) so as to feel like regular members of society. Then there are the things that you don’t have to have, but no home would be complete with out (T.V., cable/satellite connection, DVD players, games consoles etc) these help people kill hour upon hour of time which seems like the norm in our day and age. The average perception of an American is a big, fat guy who loves Mc Donalds and the sci-fi channel, but this perception comes from where? TV, movies, novels etc. I see it as a country with almost everyone having access to all the technological advancement of our age, they have nothing else to worry about so they “veg” out on the sofa and come up with new problems like there are actually people who are afraid of keys, really….keys?

So generally the recent developments in society today have spawned a lot of different ways of thinking, acting and living. People today expect the things they buy to improve their lives, make them healthier, happier, better looking, more popular etc. so the product creators and sellers have to spend more time making their products more appealing. We the masses then have to adapt with the times, so in essence the advertisers create a vision of what we should want and need and we as consumers believe their predictions and try to live accordingly. Its complicated I know, but I don’t make the rules, I just thought you should know.