Where did my words go?

I was thinking about what to write and I also wanted to make sure it was something us guys can relate to. So here’s what I did, being the techno savvy guy that I am, I quickly went on Twitter and asked my peeps.

At first I thought no one was paying attention and I was Tweeting to blank space, when an old friend told me to analyze why it is that sometimes, no matter how suave or quick witted we are, there is always one girl out there that's like Kryptonite to us, all our lyrics, anecdotes and tried and true chat up lines seem to completely evaporate in their presence.

And you know what? It’s so true. For example, those that know me know I can be a laugh, and also know that I tend to have more close female friends than male. So in theory I should be great when it comes to chatting to the ladies, but if you've been there when a girl I like is even in the same vicinity. It’s ridiculous; I get lost for words and tend to reach for the driest possible jokes. So, yeah, I should know, there is always one lady out there that has our tongues tied up like a 4 year olds shoe laces.

There was this one time that my friends and I were hanging out at our usual haunt in PH and we had been cracking jokes, gisting and generally doing what we do when we're together, and then she walks in. I kid you not, if you could see this girl out of my eyes, the men out there would instantly start drooling and the women would cringe with inadequacy. I’m not going to go into how her lips always glisten with pouty allure and her smile makes you feel like NEPA had taken the light before she walked in and I shouldn’t mention how her body....you know what?....I won’t mention.

So urm… “Sam” (The names have been changed to protect the innocent) walks in and it just so happens I’m the first to see her. I stop mid-sentence and stare for a bit and my friends turn around and beckon her over, (now wait for my stupidity) everyone leans over and says “hi” but me? No, I don’t act like a normal person, I stand up and stretch out my hand like a robot, she shakes it expecting me to say something and whilst all my friends look at me in surprise at the speed my tush left my seat, I say “I need the bathroom” and proceed to run (I walked but my mind was thinking RUN RUN RUN) for the toilet.

Honestly, I don’t know what happened because I have talked to her several times but my mind and body got all muddled up just because “She” was around. Till this day my friends still mimic my “robot shake” and love to tell the tale to anyone we allow in our group.
So why is it that we all get flustered in front of that one person? Even you ladies, I’ve seen the most vivacious babe turn docile kitty cat in front of some hunk and it gets me wondering. “Was that God’s plan?”, “where we suppose to be all cute and innocent or dumb and blundering in front of the people we like?” I mean, I know it doesn’t happen to everyone but I think there must be a good reason.

This is just how things are, we see it every day in movies, when the girl walks past and the guy gazes longingly as he squirts ketchup in his tea. It’s just part of our everyday life and to be honest I personally think it takes self drive (or “Ginger” as I like to say)to learn to get over it. So next time he or she walks in, tell the butterflies in your stomach to calm down and the sweat ducts in your palms to take a chill pill (people still say that right?). Step up to them and act like they are just anyone else.

As usual, advice is easier said than done but what do you have to lose? Anythings better than gawking at them and saying “urrr…Hi, your eye balls look nice”.

With that said, here I am, writing and my aim is to get to the bottom of this through the combined help of all who read this. Why does this happen and though in some cases the loss of words dies down eventually, what else can we do because you know what they say about first impressions meaning everything and me? I don’t want to be face to face with a certain radio presenter and say “Urrrrm...I need to go to the bathroom” and run away...cause frankly, that aint a good look.

Isn't is funny?

Isn't it funny how most people that say "isn't it funny" aren't saying something funny at all?....I mean, if it was so funny you wouldn't have to put up a disclaimer before you said it now would ya?

But really though, isn't it funny how everyone has their own kind of love? It's weird cause some people don't know this but each and every one of us is wired differently. It dawned on me that a lot of us just go through the motions, doing what we think is expected of us, calling the appropriate amount of times, saying the right things, blah blah blah.

When what we should be doing is finding what makes us happy and working at keeping it. People tend to meet some one, fall into a relationship and just stay because it's easier..then they wonder why one person cheats or even turns gay (hey, its happened). Just like in the movies love differs for everyone, to one person the cliché roses and chocolate spewing out of a huge stuffed toy is just what cupid ordered. But to some one else a picnic in a cemetery or a sparkly skull and bones ankle bracelet is what they need.

We Nigerian's in Naija don't try hard enough, when was the last time you saw two truly in love people on the streets? Our culture is different, yes. But love is love...the heart beats and we all want to be acknowledged. So why don't we try and find what works for us and focus on that?

Ok, once again I have drifted from my point. Love is different for everyone. One person wants a listener another wants a talker and even more complicated are those that want someone to use nipple clamps and a ball gag...but that's gist for another day.

Know what you want and if you find some one willing to give you 60% of that... Then know you can find 90%. Settling for less is for quitters and those who want contentment over excitement.

But hey, what do I know right?

It's Frikin Everywhere!

I'm going on about it again.... Its like its all that's on my mind at the moment and besides why wouldn't it? I have spent half my life looking for it (well sometimes harder than others) and I did even find it on some occasions. Oh, in case you were wondering I'm talking about the ever elusive prey we call Love.

But here's what I noticed only recently, Love is all around us. I'm serious, so no need for the funny looks, it really is.

Ok so its not that easy to see plainly here in Lasgidi, but it's there. Behind the fast paced, hustle or die mentality, you'll find it, and I know because I've seen it (yeah, look at me talking like I have a PHD in love-onomics).

Walking through a mall the other day I saw it on four different occasions and well I was actually taken aback (caught myself "aww-ing" actually, but don't tell anyone).
There was and elderly couple, they must have been like 70 something and as I walked slowly behind them, typing away in response to why my friends were late and I noticed them talking to each other. They were arguing about if they had locked the car. It was so real and the way they talked you knew there was nothing hidden between them. Then when they got to the front of a jewellery store they just stopped and turned to look inside. As I walked passed them the woman drew closer to the man and put her arm through his and leaned into him, he just stood there (a little bent over with age of course) all manly and proud with his woman by his side. It was nothing spectacular but if your looking for it, you could have seen the love they shared shine brightly, right there in the palms shopping mall.

With my over active imagination I obviously gave them a storyline, you know, the woman was reminded of her own wedding ring which they had lost over the years and they stood the remanicing on the old days and the passion of days gone by, content and happy to have had such a person to share it all with... But that's just in my head.

I could go on and talk about how I later saw some guy step up to a girl in the book shop and use author knowledge to chat her up, I could focus on how he meandered around her all smiles and good manners, making her laugh as he tried to help her pick a book. You could see the look in her eye as she sized him up and the twinkle in his as she gave him her number at the counter, and this could be the begining of something special as the chemistry I witnessed was electric.
There were other signs that we are constantly surrounded by love or the opportunity to love, but conditioning, conformity and lest I forget environment are what keep it from us.

See, the reason why movies make love look complicated yet easily obtainable is because they have to focus on what we tend to ignore. All those little intricacies like a look in her eyes or even down to basics of their posture as the talk to you.
I really could babble on and on but what it boils down to is that we just have to open our eyes and hearts. Then it will all be plain to see, and the okada stress, gold digger mentality, ahso-free hunters, player/hustles or even nepa frustration will just be another regular annoyance, like flies and not a barrier from happiness.

Seriously, forget my blatant optimism here and just try it, then let me know what you see.

I've got that funny feeling again..

Your heart pounds in your chest, your hands tremble lightly, your stomach feels like there's a party going on and you're the neighbour that wasn't invited. All these things happen at once and its all her fault, she, her, that girl across the room. Its a wonderful feeling in hindsight but right then and there? As your temperature rises and a million and one thoughts whiz through your mind, and all she did was smile. At that moment....its not really all peaches n cream...well more upchucking carrots n peas, even if you haven't had said vegies..but that's just for then.

You see the heart is more than just a big pumping machine. Us conscious and sentient beings have attached so many different emotions and psychological affiliation's with a lump of pulsating muscle. It occurred to me that during my random musings on life, love and all that other stuff, that 'love' is more than just a word (yes, I know...its obvious, but just hear me out) we grow up (if we're lucky) with parents that care about us enough to scold (or bust out the koboko in some cases) and punish us when we're young and we resented them for it, as we really didn't know any better. But when we look back, some of our folks were dead wrong, but hey, some were on point...can u imagine coming home to a house you built from the ground up and your son has just drawn his special and epic rendering of ben10 on your modern white leather couch? And he accentuated it all in dark green permanent ink. Are you telling me a "time out" would do the job...please. Our folks tried with what they had....but really, more on point, these "little" things were the 1st tastes of true love we ever got.

In contrast, (or more to the point) look at that old couple you see walking in the park or spending an hour in front of you in a cue counting their change together. That's real love, imagine spending all those years together, accepting that he'll never put the seat down and she'll always be 10minuites late getting dressed...forever...think deeply about it. That guy you broke up with cause he wasn't he never called you back within your alotted 10 minute time frame or that girl you left cause her voice was just one octave to high..what if you stayed? They did...they stayed with the good and the bad because that feeling was worth it. That blood rushing through the vains, unable to swallow well, sweaty palms feeling. They stuck with the "put the seat down" rants and the socks on the floor because they had that feeling, and realised it what it was early and "the" feeling stayed because they let it.

So I may not no a lot of things but I sure know how my heart feels when I'm around a girl that's worth it, worth the re-writing a text 3times, agonising over saying "toodles" as you cut the line, the incessant worrying if I should or shouldn't call...all of that. They may not be "the" one, but if just for that moment in time, they could be right for you. So before you stand up, arms akimbo, gaping mouth, staring at some girl that just said "I don't know what the fuss is all about this barney guy, he aint that funny" calm down and think. Is that feeling there? Forgetting this dreadful moment, does she make u feel like u wana smile and run far, far away at the same time? If so...forgive her not liking "how I met your mother", or even being a Chelsea fan because in the long run....its that feeling that matters...

Oh but if the feeling was never there...then as Jay-z says, "onto the next one"....

With Vals just around the corner everyone's bound to have some lovey dovey notions swimming around their heads, be them positive or negative...anyway...here what was swimming through mine:

What is a heart but flesh n blood, with veins to feed the body?
What is love but a flight of fancy when the head is full of emotion?
Why do we strive for things complex when words can soothe the soul?
Why do those three words make some weep but also make some cry?
The heart, we feel is what links these things when fact dictates sub-plots.
We search for love, when it surrounds us all, like icing on a cake.
Love differs to us all, but humans yet we remain.
What is a heart but flesh and blood and why do we feel so alone?


....Life...sheesh...anyway hope yall have a great day.

The things we do for love.

Its funny, I'm talking bout how funny we act when we "think" we're in love. Come on, think about it; we stop the human self preservation instinct and start putting som1 else 1st. How weird is that?..scientifically of course..its called self preservation for a reason. Single people will have 20 bucks and think shit...how's this gonna get me2my next pay check but some1 in love is all like..hhmmm don't think 20 bucks I'd enough for our date...DATE?..is that what's really important at this point in time?
Well it happens, to all of us...even those of us who like to think they're immune..the hard guys, players and jaded chicks..we all sucome2mushy-isims every now and then.
When there's a love interest...and I mean love not crush or lust...we drop everything n start thinking how we're gonna get to be around this person. We miss work, lie to our friends even skip bowling night..its unreal...bowling night damn it!
That's why I came to terms with love...did you ever notice they never say "smartly in love" or "organised in love" its always "crazy for her" or "mad about him" n let's not forget the basic "fall in love"...last time I checked, falling was a bad thing.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, we all do it, birds, bees, even educated flees...we all are suceptable2that earthly affliction called love. But as we have our opposable thumbs that keep us at the top of the food chain...we should be wiser about these things. Its all well and good to be googoo gaga at age 16 and even when you just hit 20...but if we still falling, tripping and being mad all over the place after a certain age...we have a problem.
Be smart about it..wake up and smell the coffee..when your heart starts pounding faster and your thinking about erecting a stadium in her honour. Stop, Look, And listen...is she worth it and is he really who you think he is? Love hurts but is also the key to our humanity. So take you time and do it right.
I mean...you only live once, so let's not spend half of it sulking over some girl that tookyo ur heart n ran or some guy that "inevitably" slept with your friend.
Live your life...but be smart about it.

To fail is to learn how to win

This is kinda personal, its basically stuff that's always on my mind so i thought id just let it all out and see what happens. This is about me and the women of my past, you see every girl iv liked has affected my life in some way and im just coming to terms with it. Some were a good influence and well some.....were not. But the point is that if you don't learn from every experience you've encountered or had the good fortune to be tossed your way, well then you're just passing time and not really living.

OK, I'm majorly writing this for my own benefit and not looking to start a debate or just look for trouble. This is just me reminding myself to live,learn and love. If you pick up something along the way...goodie.

It all started when i was young and a lot more impressionable than a kid at a magic show. She was so nice to me and we were good friends i guess, so wen my friends told me she wanted to be my girlfriend i kinda freaked out, i had never even thought of her like that and this was gonna be my first girlfriend. I didn't want to hurt her so i just said yes. only to get home from the youth club disco (yes, that's how young i was) and realize id just goofed big time....we broke up 2 days later.
- (lesson: if its not a reciprocal thing...it aint gona work. so just her liking you is not enough)


A few years later in a different school i fall head over heals for this girl. we hang out a lot and have fun, as kid do. Then one night we kiss and as 1st kisses go, it was phenomenal, im ova d moon and so ask her out. we're happy in this relationship until presto, she gets bored and ends it only to reel me back in a couple weeks later. See she was my 1st real love...i kept going back to her every time (im so not telling you how many times) but eventually i realized we were not meant to be together so this time i end it and for the last time.
- (lesson: if she can hurt you once, she can do it 100 times. its just up to you to decide)


So there i was, hurt n disappointed with the world when this new girl joins our school. Sexy, mysterious, pretty and as far as high school goes, bad. id admire her from far all the time as we were in totally different worlds but one day someone told me she liked me. i couldn't believe it till she found me one evening and told me herself. So I'm no moron, that was it... i was with a girl i used think about all the time and it was great.....until we realized our separate worlds just didn't match. Me wit my rollerblading, action junkie crew and her with the bomber jacket wearing smokers. we were young and just couldn't find the strength or put in the effort to make it work.
- (lesson: find someone who's world you can live in or can live in yours, its a relationship, not a dictatorship)


My lil'heart still looking for a beat to sync wit realizes his good friend in art class makes it beat a little faster each class but as fate would have it, shes a good friend and tells me everything including how she has a major crush on another friend of mine. So i make it my job to ensure her happiness and get together.
- (lesson: STAY OUT OF D FRIEND ZONE) a lesson i never seemed to learn well enough.


There more of course, a bit older but not much wiser, off i went to collage, scarred but still smiling. Some friends i i decide to go watch a movie and have a group bonding session. But low and behold the others in the group pair up and just two of us are left, i have no idea what came over me but i think our friends make out sesh drove us on a walk where i did a movie-esk grab and kiss under a flowery archway in the moon lite, starting my next adventure...she was great, funny, smart, pretty and basically my girlfriend. Everything was great till life happened. i had a lot of personal crap going on (work, family crisis, travel chaos, the works) and i didn't want to drag her into it so i broke up wit her n thought id done the right thing.
- (lesson: unless both parties try to make it work n share their stress and problems, it aint gonna happen. Barney says it best "caring is sharing")


Ok so now more time past and im in another country. She cares but there's always just something off, she kept nagging me constantly about where i was or who i was with. The pestering finaly got much, so i started asking my own questions, just to find she was playing mind games n eventually learn she was the one actually cheating.
- (lesson: if shes paranoid n jealous all d time shes probably the one hiding somthing.)

I really could go on because there is a lot more to be said but to be totally honest here, you don't really care do u? what with all own troubles and joys fluttering around you, but iv done my part in writing all i have and you've read this much so we're even. hey, you even got to know me a'lil better n i got to vent a bit.

Life's a learning process and there aint no short cuts, iv bin hurt but i also learned somthing each time. i keep at it cause that's what we humans do, you fall down, so get up and dust urself off, but you watch your step next time...

Parting words i knicked from somewhere.
"Just because the rose died on the vine. Doesn't mean it lied 2u wen it was in bloom."