This is kinda personal, its basically stuff that's always on my mind so i thought id just let it all out and see what happens. This is about me and the women of my past, you see every girl iv liked has affected my life in some way and im just coming to terms with it. Some were a good influence and well some.....were not. But the point is that if you don't learn from every experience you've encountered or had the good fortune to be tossed your way, well then you're just passing time and not really living.
OK, I'm majorly writing this for my own benefit and not looking to start a debate or just look for trouble. This is just me reminding myself to live,learn and love. If you pick up something along the way...goodie.
It all started when i was young and a lot more impressionable than a kid at a magic show. She was so nice to me and we were good friends i guess, so wen my friends told me she wanted to be my girlfriend i kinda freaked out, i had never even thought of her like that and this was gonna be my first girlfriend. I didn't want to hurt her so i just said yes. only to get home from the youth club disco (yes, that's how young i was) and realize id just goofed big time....we broke up 2 days later.
- (lesson: if its not a reciprocal thing...it aint gona work. so just her liking you is not enough)
A few years later in a different school i fall head over heals for this girl. we hang out a lot and have fun, as kid do. Then one night we kiss and as 1st kisses go, it was phenomenal, im ova d moon and so ask her out. we're happy in this relationship until presto, she gets bored and ends it only to reel me back in a couple weeks later. See she was my 1st real love...i kept going back to her every time (im so not telling you how many times) but eventually i realized we were not meant to be together so this time i end it and for the last time.
- (lesson: if she can hurt you once, she can do it 100 times. its just up to you to decide)
So there i was, hurt n disappointed with the world when this new girl joins our school. Sexy, mysterious, pretty and as far as high school goes, bad. id admire her from far all the time as we were in totally different worlds but one day someone told me she liked me. i couldn't believe it till she found me one evening and told me herself. So I'm no moron, that was it... i was with a girl i used think about all the time and it was great.....until we realized our separate worlds just didn't match. Me wit my rollerblading, action junkie crew and her with the bomber jacket wearing smokers. we were young and just couldn't find the strength or put in the effort to make it work.
- (lesson: find someone who's world you can live in or can live in yours, its a relationship, not a dictatorship)
My lil'heart still looking for a beat to sync wit realizes his good friend in art class makes it beat a little faster each class but as fate would have it, shes a good friend and tells me everything including how she has a major crush on another friend of mine. So i make it my job to ensure her happiness and get together.
- (lesson: STAY OUT OF D FRIEND ZONE) a lesson i never seemed to learn well enough.
There more of course, a bit older but not much wiser, off i went to collage, scarred but still smiling. Some friends i i decide to go watch a movie and have a group bonding session. But low and behold the others in the group pair up and just two of us are left, i have no idea what came over me but i think our friends make out sesh drove us on a walk where i did a movie-esk grab and kiss under a flowery archway in the moon lite, starting my next adventure...she was great, funny, smart, pretty and basically my girlfriend. Everything was great till life happened. i had a lot of personal crap going on (work, family crisis, travel chaos, the works) and i didn't want to drag her into it so i broke up wit her n thought id done the right thing.
- (lesson: unless both parties try to make it work n share their stress and problems, it aint gonna happen. Barney says it best "caring is sharing")
Ok so now more time past and im in another country. She cares but there's always just something off, she kept nagging me constantly about where i was or who i was with. The pestering finaly got much, so i started asking my own questions, just to find she was playing mind games n eventually learn she was the one actually cheating.
- (lesson: if shes paranoid n jealous all d time shes probably the one hiding somthing.)
I really could go on because there is a lot more to be said but to be totally honest here, you don't really care do u? what with all own troubles and joys fluttering around you, but iv done my part in writing all i have and you've read this much so we're even. hey, you even got to know me a'lil better n i got to vent a bit.
Life's a learning process and there aint no short cuts, iv bin hurt but i also learned somthing each time. i keep at it cause that's what we humans do, you fall down, so get up and dust urself off, but you watch your step next time...
Parting words i knicked from somewhere.
"Just because the rose died on the vine. Doesn't mean it lied 2u wen it was in bloom."
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