Friends like these...

We all grew up with them, different people that have been there with us through out our ups and downs, or red light, green light games, Ten ten, skipping rope, who stole the meat form the cooking pot sessions, camping trips, when had our 1st taste of alcohol, Twister, truth or dare marathons (you know you planned with your friends before time, who would be kissing whom....I know I did *wink*) and all those other memorable moments. It's great because we have different people who serve different purposes in our lives, the groups tend to come and go but like all the regular changes we go through as we grow into adulthood, we roll with the punches and get on with life. Thank God for Facebook cause otherwise a lot of us never would have spoken again.

Friends are important, cause as they say, no man is an island. We will always need partners in crime and people to stop us from doing all those stupid things we usually would ("No Jite, jumping off that ledge is not a good idea. I know you can do it and you probably will survive but lets do something else now ok?"). People to inflate our egos and make us feel special when we need it ("Of course she's gay, why else would she ignore you sweet lines like that?"). We also have those friends who do just the opposite, they mooch off us, take our stuff, always need something but yet as we complain to others about them, we still seem to turn up when they can't foot the bar tab you didn't help them build.

That's why they are friends, I always used to say "it's not by force" to have friends but, oh boy does it help. Even though they make fun of us, tell us when we have something in our teeth, ask us how we left the house dressed like that or honestly look us in the eye and say, "dude, are you getting fatter?". As much as these things piss us off, it's only a true friend that will meet you after work and the first thing they say is "you know your fly is undone right" and you had used the bathroom like 4 hours ago and no one in that time had said anything, even during that presentation you just gave, you just have to live and learn.

Growing up I had a tight knit group of friends who would walk around with me in our silly shorts and play Ghost busters, we lived in the same area and even though there where no mobile phones our parents could always find us come dinner time. We grew up and life led us in different directions, we sometimes see or mail but it will never be the same. That friend that 1st told you about girls, the one that taught you how to pull a wheelie, that girl that managed to infiltrate the group and was literally all our 1st crush (mummies and Daddies...lol...those innocent days). They all have new lives now, went to collage, Uni, a random country but even though they may be far away right now, they helped us become who we are now.

The people we grew up to be have surely, at one point or another infiltrated different social groups, spent a time as a grunge skater boy, bought Timberland boots and baggy jeans, been a sports nut with jerseys and constant sports chatter but these are all just a right of passage. I know girls out there that have changed their looks so many times I have to do a double take every time I leave her for more than a month, or those ones that use their hair styles to show case how they are feeling in that precise moment.

Today I have new groups of friends, the ones I served with, the ones I went to uni with, the ones who know my past, the ones I went crazy with and well, the ones who know me now and still call me up every Friday to blow off steam. As we grow, our needs, wants and habits change, so our close friends tend to emulate the things we need now. In my case, I'm not going to label the friends that tolerate me on my blog as that is a sure fire way to lose them, but the cuteness monster, shisha king, scscscscatter, sweet pea, D gurl, Wheelz, 8grls, Alfie, d-lo-brown, inspector Glaucoma, junky goth, delz, linil, the Dr and oh so many more have kept me sane through these past few odd years. They don't know it but I have been through so much that if their sporadic txts, calls and mails hadn't been there, only God knows what I would have done.

So here's to friends *imaginary champagne flute in the air* for those that kept me awake with midnight calls, those that reduced my much needed sleep just to have me around, those that made me drive the length of Lagos just to say hi, those that were there for me and those that weren't. Thank you for allowing me to bitch and moan to you. Thank you for being there even when I didn't want you to be and most importantly, for those reading. Thanks for the support. Even though my dyslexic ass can't spell, and my tendency to ramble, you're still here reading my words.

So enough with the mushy stuff, friends are there, and we just need to get over our personal crap to realize how important the ones we have are, if you can't think of a good one right now. Then I would advise some heavy re-evaluation of your current status. Or hey, you know what?...just look me up.

Why don't you study Engineering?

Growing up, all of us had an inner creative and I know for a fact that I dreamed of being a highly paid advertiser the likes of those in "Mad Men". But in Nigeria at least, most of our parents would hear about these dreams and the speech would start. In my best old school Nigerian dad voice; "Why don't you study Engineering?" and I would usually respond with "But that's not what I want to do" and the diatribe would go on and on about how I want to paint signs on the side of the road for a living and that kind of suffer head is not a good plan (add in a ton my parents heavy sarcasm with added laughter just to drive the point home).

So at the end of the day we are usually reminded who pays the fees and tend to buckle. We go to uni and study engineering, medicine, law or for the lucky or hard headed, mass comm, thinking that after all the fuss that was made; a freshly mown career path is waiting for us on the other side.... Oh how misguided our youths were.

We go through Uni, and depending on the person the reading:playing ratio differs but somehow we eventually come out the other side. Back in our folks day it was Uni, Service (which actually functioned perfectly for some), then straight into a career, but us lucky new age, MTV generation (I think d next batch will b the "blackberry/skinny jeans generation but that's a rant for another day) we came out of Uni at a time when a Bachelors degree was as handy as your Jamb result, so you had two options; Join the mass hunt for jobs with overly skilled, better qualified people all around you and hope you’re hardcore enough, or join the mass exodus for more qualifications.

Those that bailed sharply for their masters slowly found out that masters degrees seem to be like pure water, they come in different types and are very useful but they really are everywhere. And those that didn’t found out the hard way that unless they had an uncle working in a conglomo to let them in or parents to foot the bill for the building of their very own empire, they would literally have to start from the ground up. Personally I have really seen life, from working in a company that made me do all the work promising me the world and then the MD fleeing to another country without paying me 3months salary, to another company that had me designing their template then hiring a cheaper guy to use it. It’s not easy.
But then who ever said it would be, was lying or just in denial. Life goes on and the hard times continue, we find everyday brings with it a new challenge and whether you were a 1st class electrical engineer with a masters in business admin or a 3rd class geodetic engineer from IMSU, the working world is bound to throw you for a loop. There are so many people I know that didn’t play at all in Uni and where as focused as a zombie is on brains but found it hard to find their footing once in the real world. And on the flip side there were some that treated Uni as a 5 year spring break session in Miami and found kick ass jobs right away. So there really isn’t a hard and fast rule although some hard work ethics may help.
All those creative people that ended up as lawyers or doctors never truly lost sight of that inner creativity, many spent time making jewelry or printing shirts and posters in Uni to make that extra buck and after Uni just left it all behind and got on with life. Some stuck with it, leaving their BSc behind and found themselves in media or art inclined businesses, while others just took what they could get. But I think things are changing, people are realizing the potential of doing what you love. A friend recently told me how her father that used to drive her onto the “big boys” career path had a discussion with her the other day about how if she wants to be a clothing designer, he can hook her up with manufacturers in Paris and that if she has a dream then she should go for it.
This conversation was what spurred me on to write this because I have been hearing more of the same thing recently; people’s parents who were sticklers for “Study this and Read that” all of a sudden are realizing that the world really isn’t the same place it used to be. Those days’ doctors were one of the most respected and well paid people around, but now I know more graphic artists that are making it big.
The times are changing and I can imagine in the near future when a child says “I want to be a writer” their Nigerian parents will nurture that need and keep driving the child onwards and even if they change their mind a million time like children do, their parents would be there to guide along life’s crooked and treacherous paths.
Ok, it’s disclaimer time. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are loads of parents out there that nurture their children’s creative talents or even instill some in them but what we have to remember is that we are the future and we will have to make a lot of those tough decisions soon. Most parents that push their children into Law or Engineering are doing because they want what is best for them, but usually the result is children graduating with a BSc in what they didn’t want to do and saying, “Ok so I’ve done what you want, now it’s time to do what I want to do”. It would be a mistake to think that it was a waste of 4 or 5 years in a course they didn’t care much for but they grew up in that time and became who they would be for the rest of their lives, so all in all, something was gained.
Now go on and think about it, what did you want to be and what are you doing now? It’s not meant to be a glass half empty exercise it’s just me trying to let you know it’s never too late. Add aspects of what you like in your job or even in your everyday life, you like creativity, fiddle with power point for the next presentation, design the new company cards, talk to the marketing department about your ideas for a radio jingle, there are loads of ways. With this, you are bound to find more happiness at work and in life and trust me we all need some of that, besides, before you get all complacent or high and mighty, you’re eventually going to be the one with the job of raising a child and then you’ll have to tell your own kids what to do.

Just Living the Life

As a young man trying to make it in Lagos I can tell you, it’s not a walk in the park. Lagos is what I like to call the New York City of Africa (even though I’ve only been to several west African countries) and as such there are a million and one things that get in the way of day to day planning, strategizing and general money making. I could really go on about how our Power Holding Company insist on “holding the power” and the crazy traffic makes moving about even more stressful, but what I’m to talk about is more… how you say basic.

Let’s look at our typical Nigerian business ethic (or lack thereof, in most cases). In most, so called 1st world countries, even the little things like customer service have been taken care of (flash backs of customer service training at Burger King come to mind) so they don’t have frustrated customers who are welcomed with “What do you want?” or scowling staff who are more occupied with their lunch or painting their nails than what brought you through 3 hours of traffic and into their establishments, brandishing your hard earned money. So just at the entrance, most people don’t even bother with the shop, office, restaurant or where ever, they just have to chin up and bear it, or like Jay-Z says “On to the next one”.

So there’s a tip right there, most people remember places they’ve been in Nigeria where the service was above average and trust me, they keep going back. Taking that into consideration is just the 1st step to doing well here, in any line of business that includes the public.

As a budding creative, it’s not easy starting something in a country where the office politics tend to be so stifling, huge conglomo’s like MTN never do overly creative campaigns like their European mates Orange or the American Verizon. It’s not like we don’t have the talent over here, we sure as the grass is wet in a rain storm, do. So why is it that most of the billboards we see are all lacking in creative tact or subtle messages, everything is always “BUY US, WE’RE REALLY GOOD!”. Well from my experience it’s all about the big wigs. If they don’t understand it straight away or their friend in “Random Mc Ad firm” is pitching something else then, nothing for Mr. Intelligent concept guy. So most artists tend to start their own firms or bend to the will of their very own creatively draining company.

Moving on, I do have to say Lagos is kicking ass though, at least we’re not drowning in all the “Ikenna and son’s” over here. So that’s definitely a step in the right direction.

On another note, let’s talk about the social aspect of our fair city, with the rate of flexation over here it’s surprising anyone gets any work done. There’s a launch today, a cocktail party tomorrow, a show the day after and those friends of yours just came into town two days ago, so it’s time to hit all the hot spots and have fun with them while you can. But the question now is, “how in heavens name do you do it all?”

This is where the art of time management comes in; many “players” (yes people are still called that and in this day and age females are just as skilled at it, if not even more so from what I’ve heard) are skilled at it. Seeing four girls in the same state at the same time, but yet never the four shall meet. Seriously, I have a friend who was dating four girls. One was the main girl he’d take to social gatherings with family and friends, one was the babe he’d take clubbing and boat cruising (solo runs), one was strictly a booty call for those late, lonely nights and one was his out of town girl who was always ready to fly in (all bills paid) at the drop of a bbm. With this skill which he had groomed since our secondary school days, he manages a small company, makes and sells shirts and also freelances as a creative consultant.

I’ll be honest with you, I used to give him “holier than thou” speeches all the time about getting to old for all that but If I had learnt this “playerism” earlier my life, everything would be more straight forward, because I find myself trying to do everything at once and please everyone, which in turn leaves me drained all the time. He was forced to learn how to plan ahead and think on his toes, so like when two of the girls are in the same vicinity, he weighs his options and sets himself on a planned route of action (escape is a better word for this scenario). This is perfect for business because it taught him how to act fast and smart. So when his shirt business was being pushed out by the multitude of rivals that sprung from nowhere, he weighed his options and focused on the company he was managing till the competition lost steam and then coolly and calmly set back about his shirt business with less stress in his life, but more money in his pockets.

We could all learn something from him (the positive parts of course, although no hearts were broken in the making of this article) and I do have to say moving to Lagos was a tough move but a smart one, because you can’t learn anything if there is no real pressure and experienced completion around you.

All I know is, with all the hurdles we have to scale on a daily basis, if you haven’t learned to deal with them and (like I used to) whine and moan about them instead of actually stepping up to the plate and knocking it out of the park, then Lagos is not for you. You can live here but you surely will not thrive (unless like a lucky plenty have a well placed uncle or friend).

Like I heard once, “don’t fight the flow, move with it”. I used to hate this city….but now; I’m living the life, Lasgidi style.

Where did my words go?

I was thinking about what to write and I also wanted to make sure it was something us guys can relate to. So here’s what I did, being the techno savvy guy that I am, I quickly went on Twitter and asked my peeps.

At first I thought no one was paying attention and I was Tweeting to blank space, when an old friend told me to analyze why it is that sometimes, no matter how suave or quick witted we are, there is always one girl out there that's like Kryptonite to us, all our lyrics, anecdotes and tried and true chat up lines seem to completely evaporate in their presence.

And you know what? It’s so true. For example, those that know me know I can be a laugh, and also know that I tend to have more close female friends than male. So in theory I should be great when it comes to chatting to the ladies, but if you've been there when a girl I like is even in the same vicinity. It’s ridiculous; I get lost for words and tend to reach for the driest possible jokes. So, yeah, I should know, there is always one lady out there that has our tongues tied up like a 4 year olds shoe laces.

There was this one time that my friends and I were hanging out at our usual haunt in PH and we had been cracking jokes, gisting and generally doing what we do when we're together, and then she walks in. I kid you not, if you could see this girl out of my eyes, the men out there would instantly start drooling and the women would cringe with inadequacy. I’m not going to go into how her lips always glisten with pouty allure and her smile makes you feel like NEPA had taken the light before she walked in and I shouldn’t mention how her body....you know what?....I won’t mention.

So urm… “Sam” (The names have been changed to protect the innocent) walks in and it just so happens I’m the first to see her. I stop mid-sentence and stare for a bit and my friends turn around and beckon her over, (now wait for my stupidity) everyone leans over and says “hi” but me? No, I don’t act like a normal person, I stand up and stretch out my hand like a robot, she shakes it expecting me to say something and whilst all my friends look at me in surprise at the speed my tush left my seat, I say “I need the bathroom” and proceed to run (I walked but my mind was thinking RUN RUN RUN) for the toilet.

Honestly, I don’t know what happened because I have talked to her several times but my mind and body got all muddled up just because “She” was around. Till this day my friends still mimic my “robot shake” and love to tell the tale to anyone we allow in our group.
So why is it that we all get flustered in front of that one person? Even you ladies, I’ve seen the most vivacious babe turn docile kitty cat in front of some hunk and it gets me wondering. “Was that God’s plan?”, “where we suppose to be all cute and innocent or dumb and blundering in front of the people we like?” I mean, I know it doesn’t happen to everyone but I think there must be a good reason.

This is just how things are, we see it every day in movies, when the girl walks past and the guy gazes longingly as he squirts ketchup in his tea. It’s just part of our everyday life and to be honest I personally think it takes self drive (or “Ginger” as I like to say)to learn to get over it. So next time he or she walks in, tell the butterflies in your stomach to calm down and the sweat ducts in your palms to take a chill pill (people still say that right?). Step up to them and act like they are just anyone else.

As usual, advice is easier said than done but what do you have to lose? Anythings better than gawking at them and saying “urrr…Hi, your eye balls look nice”.

With that said, here I am, writing and my aim is to get to the bottom of this through the combined help of all who read this. Why does this happen and though in some cases the loss of words dies down eventually, what else can we do because you know what they say about first impressions meaning everything and me? I don’t want to be face to face with a certain radio presenter and say “Urrrrm...I need to go to the bathroom” and run away...cause frankly, that aint a good look.

Isn't is funny?

Isn't it funny how most people that say "isn't it funny" aren't saying something funny at all?....I mean, if it was so funny you wouldn't have to put up a disclaimer before you said it now would ya?

But really though, isn't it funny how everyone has their own kind of love? It's weird cause some people don't know this but each and every one of us is wired differently. It dawned on me that a lot of us just go through the motions, doing what we think is expected of us, calling the appropriate amount of times, saying the right things, blah blah blah.

When what we should be doing is finding what makes us happy and working at keeping it. People tend to meet some one, fall into a relationship and just stay because it's easier..then they wonder why one person cheats or even turns gay (hey, its happened). Just like in the movies love differs for everyone, to one person the cliché roses and chocolate spewing out of a huge stuffed toy is just what cupid ordered. But to some one else a picnic in a cemetery or a sparkly skull and bones ankle bracelet is what they need.

We Nigerian's in Naija don't try hard enough, when was the last time you saw two truly in love people on the streets? Our culture is different, yes. But love is love...the heart beats and we all want to be acknowledged. So why don't we try and find what works for us and focus on that?

Ok, once again I have drifted from my point. Love is different for everyone. One person wants a listener another wants a talker and even more complicated are those that want someone to use nipple clamps and a ball gag...but that's gist for another day.

Know what you want and if you find some one willing to give you 60% of that... Then know you can find 90%. Settling for less is for quitters and those who want contentment over excitement.

But hey, what do I know right?

Tell me about it

Hey there peoples.. Sorry about the hiatus. Work is really getting the better of me, but not to worry I'm figuring it all out so there will be regular updates.

More to the point though, what you've missed....hmmm...well yours truly had a stint in the relationship game and well it was a short trip...but this isn't the time or place to be hashing out my love palava...lemme just say this.... I care a lot about her and the truth is that we just weren't to be. (Yeah..that's all your getting)

But as a newly single guy (once again) there seems to be a running theme everywhere I go...there was even an article on Bellanaija.com about "it"...yep I'm breaching the ever so delicate subject of "Sex". The article was about how no matter where you turn, sex is being thrown at you...you put on the radio in lag and Tools sexy voice is seranading you, you put on MTV and Beyonce has got another video showing of her extensive lingerie collection..and lest we forget those never ending curves. Oh and don't even get me started on Nikki Minaj...(Whoosaaah)

So what's that all about?...as a young well travelled young man.. I'm defiantly a victim to the sexual innuendo and joke on the regular basis but reading that article I really had to take a second and think it through...if its like his now..what the heck are our children in for?...casual sex has well and truly cracked the traditional, overly protective Nigeria and yes it's all still "under G" but I bet most of you either know people who are "friends with benefits" or even have some yourself.

I'm not here to judge...hails no!...I'm just hoping to get your minds on the same track as mine. Yes yes...sex is great but think about it...back when we were all innocents and then we had that 1st real kiss...come on guys..you know what I mean...that first time you felt something below the belt as the touch of that special someone. Personally when I look back my hopeless romantic side was soo strong back then, mine was under the moon light in a shopping centre walkway all dark, secluded and romantic. I stopped her mid speech.. Pulled her into me and laid the kiss on her..I'll never forget that day or that girl.

But since then it's not been the same. Some girls were amazing but some....weren't. The way I see is...the barrage of sex everywhere...and I mean everywhere (even toy story 3 had so many hidden jokes) this has desensitized us they same way movies have mad blood and guts a norm. Sex used to be a thing of love and passion but now its just a passed time.

Well, I'm done...I'm done with the thrill of the case, the lyrics and lies, I'm done with the guys meet where we rehash game plays and new skills acquired. Life is more than the horizontal mambo (although when done right it's defiantly worth the hassle). I aint running away from women oh, and I aint saying I'm turning into a monk...I'm just saying its time to live my life and stop letting social expectation run my everyday decision making...

Oh urm...I'd like to continue but uhhh... Someone just walked in here and I have to..errr...tell her some very important things...*wink*

Ps...thanx for the ginger kemi

I wanna be a Fireman

OK, so I've left you all lonesome for a little while but I'm back... All ranty and ragey as ever. See normally i don't ever overly personal (yeah, cause telling you about every girl I've ever dated aint personal) but I s'pose if I want to "connect" with my audience i need to give some details.

Hmmm, you see i just got this new job and it's quite tasking cause i have to pretty much be ahead of the game, need to up my socializing (or schmoozing which always sounds nicer) skills and be more of a sales person. Its quite tough because I'm used to sitting behind a desk all day designing stuff, but know i have to learn how to push, how to meet a celeb (well Naija does have those too you know) and talk to them like they were anyone else. I've done it before, although then i didn't know the person was a celebrity, but know its more serious. Any way my point here is that I've been busy, not busy "not doing anything cause I'm in a lazy mood" but actually busy busy.

Now that's out of the way, how are you? whats been going on? You been eating your fruit and veg?.... OK really, the reason I'm here typing is that i wanted to ask you all something.... You remember being a kid right? (wasn't so long ago for some but lets move on) Those days we really had no worries, except whose house we're gonna destroy after school and if maggi cube would actually taste like choco milo... But then we all couldn't just wait to be grown ups. I'm gonna be a pilot, I'm gonna be a doctor, I'm gonna be an actor....well that last one was me. And as you can see, i didn't exactly follow through on that one. Fair enough there's a tape some were in this big ol' world of me singing and dancing on stage during a production of Oliver Twist but if that was my five minutes of fame? me thinks i peaked way too early.

But hey, a lot of people stuck to their guns and got where they wanted to be. I know that Pilot and dude...how many doctors? But even if we didn't reach that final place we dreamed of in our lumber jack shirts and Doc Martins we are still here. Some didn't make it....
So here i sit, desk bound, s'pose to be doing research on Magazine companies in Nigeria and instead I'm talking to you. Doesn't that show you how i appreciate you? No? oh....well i do. We all had dreams as kids, life pushed us here and there and some of us clung to those dreams like a starving dog to a lamb chop whilst others kinda went with the flow of life and found themselves else were. It doesn't really matter, i think. Because when you pull out the magnifying glass and take a close look...even those that got just what they wanted may not be that happy. Life is all about give and take and the sooner we realize that sometimes the "give" is more than the "take" the sooner we'll all be happy.

I wanted to be an actor and know I'm a business analyst...who would have thought? But the good thing is that i can see my life taking shape so I'm happy and i know my inner child (who seems to be more outer child sometimes) is happy with that.

are u?

we should all come with labels on...

As per usual I was thinking (yes it does happen on occasion) and well wouldn't the world be a better place if we all had the appropriate labels attached to our ikkle booties when we're born? I'm not talking about the obvious "boy" or "girl" although some parents would have been saved a lot of stress if they saw a "girl" label on the bouncing (yet soon to be flaming) baby boy.

What I'm on about is the fact that we all never really know anyone...not even our brothers or sisters who tormented us our entire lives. But this wouldn't be the case if when you were three you saw amongst you brothers baby pics a label which read; "caution: this child will allways believe he's right. He should be kept away from open flames and will be prone to throwing sharp objects to see who's stupid enough to catch them. Be warned, if not a last child, others will be locked in cupboards and fed sand"

Ok I know a lot of you are wondering which one of my brothers I'm talking about here....I mixed a bunch of stuff up so stop.
With that said, just think about how easy meeting girls would be? "Caution: not good with alcohol, will cheat on first few boyfriends, is great with her hands, never leave alone in crowded places". That would just be awesome (not for her first few victims of course but by now you should be on the same page as me...or at least the same chapter.

This little rant came to me the other day when I was reading the cautions on a drug I got. It was kinda worrying, as I got this drug to help me feel better and here was a lovely list of things that "could" go wrong. So in my head I was reading "this drug is good but you've heard of russian roulette right?...well those are the kind of odds you've got here...you either get better or have blurred vision and maybe lose you sight all together, but hey, you were warned right?" Yeah now I really feel like taking it.

So that's what usually happens with people too, you hear rave reviews about how funny they are or how beautiful but like I said...there's no frickin caution label on. No, "he has really, really bad breath, but is sure to make you laught" or no "she is gorgeous but wait till she smiles and you see the jaggered rocks hidden within oh and just so you know, she thinks tylanol is the panadol they use in thiahand"

But I guess suck is life, we make choices and in turn have to live with them, its just like this poster I saw "they say life is short so live every day to the fullest...you may get hit by a bus tomorrow" and yeah we've all heard that but then it goes on to say "that's bulshit, life is preety damn long and the chances of you being hit by a bus are slim, so just remember, those choices you make, you're gona have to live with them for a long ass time" and its true. Remember when you were 6? Exactly...that was a frickin long time ago...and we're spose to live till we're 70...you do the math.

All I'm saying is if we came with labels a lot of the guess work would be done for us. But then I'm just ranting as I sit in this lobby waiting for a meeting so take what you will.

Later.

It's Frikin Everywhere!

I'm going on about it again.... Its like its all that's on my mind at the moment and besides why wouldn't it? I have spent half my life looking for it (well sometimes harder than others) and I did even find it on some occasions. Oh, in case you were wondering I'm talking about the ever elusive prey we call Love.

But here's what I noticed only recently, Love is all around us. I'm serious, so no need for the funny looks, it really is.

Ok so its not that easy to see plainly here in Lasgidi, but it's there. Behind the fast paced, hustle or die mentality, you'll find it, and I know because I've seen it (yeah, look at me talking like I have a PHD in love-onomics).

Walking through a mall the other day I saw it on four different occasions and well I was actually taken aback (caught myself "aww-ing" actually, but don't tell anyone).
There was and elderly couple, they must have been like 70 something and as I walked slowly behind them, typing away in response to why my friends were late and I noticed them talking to each other. They were arguing about if they had locked the car. It was so real and the way they talked you knew there was nothing hidden between them. Then when they got to the front of a jewellery store they just stopped and turned to look inside. As I walked passed them the woman drew closer to the man and put her arm through his and leaned into him, he just stood there (a little bent over with age of course) all manly and proud with his woman by his side. It was nothing spectacular but if your looking for it, you could have seen the love they shared shine brightly, right there in the palms shopping mall.

With my over active imagination I obviously gave them a storyline, you know, the woman was reminded of her own wedding ring which they had lost over the years and they stood the remanicing on the old days and the passion of days gone by, content and happy to have had such a person to share it all with... But that's just in my head.

I could go on and talk about how I later saw some guy step up to a girl in the book shop and use author knowledge to chat her up, I could focus on how he meandered around her all smiles and good manners, making her laugh as he tried to help her pick a book. You could see the look in her eye as she sized him up and the twinkle in his as she gave him her number at the counter, and this could be the begining of something special as the chemistry I witnessed was electric.
There were other signs that we are constantly surrounded by love or the opportunity to love, but conditioning, conformity and lest I forget environment are what keep it from us.

See, the reason why movies make love look complicated yet easily obtainable is because they have to focus on what we tend to ignore. All those little intricacies like a look in her eyes or even down to basics of their posture as the talk to you.
I really could babble on and on but what it boils down to is that we just have to open our eyes and hearts. Then it will all be plain to see, and the okada stress, gold digger mentality, ahso-free hunters, player/hustles or even nepa frustration will just be another regular annoyance, like flies and not a barrier from happiness.

Seriously, forget my blatant optimism here and just try it, then let me know what you see.

That's so Tweet...

To tweet or not to tweet? That is the modern day question. Here in Naija the craze of telling the world what you're up to every five minutes has become a way of life. Haven't you ever wondered what all the fuss was about? (if you're not already a confirmed tweet monger that is)
But before I go any further I'll have to break it down for you all.

Back in the day when we were all just getting internet crazy, the giants of cyber space "Yahoo" came up with the concept of instant chat over the net with anyone around the world. I distinctly remember sneaking to the IT room in school and hopping from one chat room to another, talking and flirting with strangers from Holland, the US and even Japan. Messengers grew and became more popular and in my opinion this is were the status updates came from. If you didn't want to talk, you would simply select the "busy" icon, then later you could write stuff like "Don't buzz me...I'm at work". So when online communities like "Hi5", Bebo and facebook emerged we where all already down with it.

Today pretty much every Tom, Dick and Chinedu have a facebook account (and to prove it, just search Chinedu on Fb friend search and see how many hits you get, not to mention the fact that my Dads even on there) they are all constantly updating their status's with witty comments, famous quotes and random tid-bits from their everyday lives (even if we don't care, they are there non the less). So when Twitter popped into our technological line of sight, everyone decided to try it out. And like messengers and Facebook, we all got hooked. Where else would you be able to get constant updates on what D'banj is up to or where Rhianna is at the moment? People (regular and those of the celeb variety a-like) all jumped happily on the band wagon.
With twitter all you have to do is write a short note answering the never fading question "what's happening?". The more you tweet the more you learn, as twitter has its very own language, there's Trending, following, re-tweeting, DM's, etc and day by day you become a happy member of the twitter family, sending tweet pics and re-tweeting funny updates.

It's funny though because all the down time we all used to have seem to be getting sucked up, those days when you would sit outside and read a book or catch up on your favourite episode of friends, we're spending more time socialising with thin air. Even at real life social functions peoples minds are inexplicably linked to the cyber world. At a party the other day, we were all chatting away and having fun when I asked some one for something then quoted the line "caring is sharing" but one of my mates heard me wrong and laughed saying "Yeah, sharing is scaring. I'm so putting that as my FB stat." Then a girl in the group said "Don't worry, I've already tweeted it." It was funny to see how we humans adapt so easily, adding and removing things according to peer pressure or even just conformity. But I'm really not one to judge, as I type away on my Blackberry curve, just having tweeted "Time to get writing, me thinks".

The world is ever changing and as sharp Nigerians we are changing and adapting with it. Of course you've heard of Twitter right? (If not? Where have you been? You know we have phones that aren't conected to the walls too right?) Ok, so Twitter is a nice and easy way to keep tabs on your friends, celeb loves, fans and you can even get bite sized news updates, considering if you search "acid rain" you just may get a lot of hits in the Nigeria reigion. So in answer to my earlier question? Yes, it is to tweet.

So hurry up, and when you get there be sure to follow me...

No, you hang up...

How do I start this? All these thoughts and emotions just swell up and well, I just have to put this one down...

Ok so I'm sitting up trying to design a layout plan for some secondary school year book and I get a phone call from a friend....let's just call her "shaniqua" (always wanted a shaniqua in my life...) And I love her voice. She's a great friend and solidly taken but when we talk I always seem to smile. After our random discussion I get back to work, all vim and vigour, then half way through deciding whether Gammond's a good font for the title blocks I realise we're all missing out on the good stuff.

Remember those days when phone calls were all we had? When you'd spend all night hiding in the guest room so your folks or nosey siblings wouldn't catch you talking to some love interest? When you could hear the smile in her voice or the true want as he says "I missed you today"... I know I remember...and I know I miss it. We would all forget about the consequences and the impending doom which was our folks finding the phone bill, just to say "no, you hang up" 20 times and still find our way back into a conversation.

These days we have marvellous technology, which I love but I miss the Golden years. The days when you'd spend hours talking to someone you've never met but feel such a strong connection just because they've seen "The empire strikes back" 5 times or how you'd call a girl up during the day and five of her friends would take turns talking to the infamous phone guy. Nowadays we text, and I'll avoid slander towards the bb, as that would be the highest form of hypocrisy on my part. But how far off from human contact is the blackberry message? Here's an example, guy likes girl, guy gets pin, guy sends msg: "hi, I got your pin from shaniqua. Its Jite, her friend from the other night. Just wanted to say hi." Then he waits 5hours and gets: "hiya". Its infuriating! Fair enough, bbm is not really the way to go if you want to meet the girl of your dreams but conversations used to be a lot more meaningful. With emotions in your voice and intentions made clear through intonation but I'm drifting from my point again.

Technology is great, video chatting with your babe who's in spain or sending a prose-ful love letter through gmail but asides from getting on a plane and turning up with roses at her hotel, nothing says how you feel better than your voice.

It erks me when I hang up and just by instinct check my credit, but that's how we roll these days. Many people still call a lot and smile without emoicons but things sure have changed. Or wait...maybe its just me...

The voice at the other end of the line is important. I'm not talking about the business transaction you've been hustling (course thats important as well) I'm talking about that voice that makes your mind work in full HD... The voice that makes you snuggle up in bed cause it just hits all your high notes. You know the voice I'm takling about. Let's not get all caught up and forget, cause I distinctly remember the day my Dad walked in on me at 3am under the dinning room table on the phone and smiled. He knew what was up... He'd been there himself.

You know what? I've made my point I think, so I'm gonna stop typing and pick up the phone....let my voice get back to familiar ground.

I've got that funny feeling again..

Your heart pounds in your chest, your hands tremble lightly, your stomach feels like there's a party going on and you're the neighbour that wasn't invited. All these things happen at once and its all her fault, she, her, that girl across the room. Its a wonderful feeling in hindsight but right then and there? As your temperature rises and a million and one thoughts whiz through your mind, and all she did was smile. At that moment....its not really all peaches n cream...well more upchucking carrots n peas, even if you haven't had said vegies..but that's just for then.

You see the heart is more than just a big pumping machine. Us conscious and sentient beings have attached so many different emotions and psychological affiliation's with a lump of pulsating muscle. It occurred to me that during my random musings on life, love and all that other stuff, that 'love' is more than just a word (yes, I know...its obvious, but just hear me out) we grow up (if we're lucky) with parents that care about us enough to scold (or bust out the koboko in some cases) and punish us when we're young and we resented them for it, as we really didn't know any better. But when we look back, some of our folks were dead wrong, but hey, some were on point...can u imagine coming home to a house you built from the ground up and your son has just drawn his special and epic rendering of ben10 on your modern white leather couch? And he accentuated it all in dark green permanent ink. Are you telling me a "time out" would do the job...please. Our folks tried with what they had....but really, more on point, these "little" things were the 1st tastes of true love we ever got.

In contrast, (or more to the point) look at that old couple you see walking in the park or spending an hour in front of you in a cue counting their change together. That's real love, imagine spending all those years together, accepting that he'll never put the seat down and she'll always be 10minuites late getting dressed...forever...think deeply about it. That guy you broke up with cause he wasn't he never called you back within your alotted 10 minute time frame or that girl you left cause her voice was just one octave to high..what if you stayed? They did...they stayed with the good and the bad because that feeling was worth it. That blood rushing through the vains, unable to swallow well, sweaty palms feeling. They stuck with the "put the seat down" rants and the socks on the floor because they had that feeling, and realised it what it was early and "the" feeling stayed because they let it.

So I may not no a lot of things but I sure know how my heart feels when I'm around a girl that's worth it, worth the re-writing a text 3times, agonising over saying "toodles" as you cut the line, the incessant worrying if I should or shouldn't call...all of that. They may not be "the" one, but if just for that moment in time, they could be right for you. So before you stand up, arms akimbo, gaping mouth, staring at some girl that just said "I don't know what the fuss is all about this barney guy, he aint that funny" calm down and think. Is that feeling there? Forgetting this dreadful moment, does she make u feel like u wana smile and run far, far away at the same time? If so...forgive her not liking "how I met your mother", or even being a Chelsea fan because in the long run....its that feeling that matters...

Oh but if the feeling was never there...then as Jay-z says, "onto the next one"....

What women want...I think. Prt2

Last time I talked a lot but didn't really get to what you where waiting to hear so lemme break it down further:

Then let's look at the other women in our lives. When a potential girlfriend meets you and starts the assessment process (we all know very much what that is); how good you look, how much money you make, the way you make her feel, etc. All these are just things she doesn't want to have to worry about if you guys actually start dating.
Here's an example to help you wrap your head around, when I first met Jane (alternative names are being used to protect the innocent) I didn't really meet her, someone told her I had a nice voice and she called. So there I was talking to this sexy sounding chica and my Man brain kicked in and told me not to mess this up. It just came to me, like a smack up side the head and I started making her laugh. See when you make a girl laugh she automatically puts her guard down when ever your involved. So I got rave reviews from her and random other phone calls from her friends. Obviously I stuck with Jane, as that voice would serenade a raging bull, but once again, I digress. My point is that she didn't have to worry about my "ulterior" motives. Most guys start with the flirting, or talking about the weather but I always say, when in doubt, make her laugh.

If you look at the success rate with men that "get the girl", isn't it the most put together people that win every time? The more money you have the less she has to worry that your going to be a liability in the future. The better looking you are the less she has to worry about potential off spring turning out like those cabage patch kids we used to have or more importantly how she's going to feel being seen in public with you or even just seeing your face. The more interesting and fun you are the less she has to worry about getting bored of you, and yes, this is a big one. Girls get bored quick (I didn't say anything about attention spans, so female readers please don't shot the messenger). Another thing about how you look is that if your a looker then they don't have to worry about what her friends are going to think of you. This one is a biggy, women are some what pack animals and what their friends an couleages think of you is very important. I remember getting a call from a female friend once, she asked me to meet her at a bar to meet her new man, I'm not a girl but when I got there she was with 5 other girls and we were waiting for Mr "at the moment"m. That was when I noticed the silent conversations between all the other girls. He walked in all tall and swaggerish and in the first two minutes half of the girls were sold on him. And that's all it took. Fair enough Mr "at the moment" was caught cheating and replaced two months later but that's not the point I'm aiming for right now.

So basically when you meet a woman you like or even just want to spend more time with, don't waste any time in deleting things she may have to worry about and before you know it your right where you want to be, either in bed with her, spending time with her, getting along with her or even, as with mothers not being pestered about if your eating well, three times a week. As they say, the proof is in the pudding (I dunno who actually says that though, maybe dessert aficionados?)

Obviously there are exceptions, like the really hansom but broke guys who still get the girls or the cash money boys who look like the ugly stick was invented on their family tree but change girlfriends like an item of clothing and lest we forget the silver tounged devils with words that wipe away all worries (if only for a short period of time). But non the less, there we have it, what women want. So since back when Adam asked Eve "are you sure we should be eating this?" Men have unconsciously been giving the women of their lives less to worry about in order to live in harmony with them.
Once you come to terms with this, you're well on your way to having better relationships, friendships and even courtships with women.
So what you worrying about, their only women.

Good luck and God speed,
Jite

What women want...I think. Prt1

We've all heard this question being asked again and again, be it in movies, songs or even some random online rant by a want to be know it all, of which there are loads. But after spending some 20 something odd years trying to figure out that very question, I recently had a break through (even if it was brought about through lack of sleep and watching one too many rom-coms).
So here is my pristine, state of the art, eye opening conclusion; Men will never truly understand women.
Ok, maybe that's not as earth shattering and mind blowingly astounding, or even brand new information but it is the unabashed truth. If you were reading this and hoping for a center spread article giving you concrete, indisputable information which would get you that girl you've been pining over, then I do have to apologise, but your hopes may have been a tad high. Come on, what did you expect? We're in the year 2010, global warming is seeming more and more a reality (not to mention this mystical acid rain they keep telling us about), gadgets James Bond used are becoming everyday tools and 11 year olds are using ipads in schools, but yet still, us members of the male species still have no idea what the women in our lives really want.
But I digress, relax, there's hope. Everyday there are more scientific break throughs and just maybe one day some super clever test tube jockey will finally prove that women are from Venus.

Ok, on a more serious note though, here is what I have come to understand; women don't just want one thing. They want and need a plethora of things from us men but I'll boil them all, like a good french chef into a nice bite size portion.

Women don't want to worry about you.

That's pretty much the crux of it. The less a girl or woman has to worry about the better your relationship with said female will be. If you notice, with your Mother, growing up she calls and complains and advises you constantly but the older you get the fewer the calls become. That is, until you reach the point when your the one calling. (Well there are some exceptions for those whose mums NEVER stop worrying but they should be used to that by now). The reason for the reduction in calls and ever so enjoyable nagging sessions is because the older you get, hopefully the better you get at taking care of yourself. So your relationship starts to become more of a friendship and she doesn't have to worry so much anymore.

Well I will go on but I seem to be running out of space here so please tune in next time for more from me...part 2 coming right up.

I'm Berry confused

Walking down the streets of lagos about 2years ago you would have seen a variable cornicopia of different phones. Nokias on hip pouches of trendy business men, pink samsungs being brandished with wreckless abandon by many young women and lest we forget the pda's which were used to wow us, sporting their microsoft compatable software and funky touch screen skills. I my self was a very proud owner of an I-mate "Jamin", looking for any opportunity to whip it out in public and tap away with my "mad" stylus skills...
But that was 2 years ago, the rate at which technology changes and improves is astonishing, if only we actually take stock of it, switching entire operating systems every year curtesy of Mr Microsoft or how it seems like a life time ago we used2 actually take "film" to the printers and get our pictures in our hands after a couple hours but like I said....that was years ago.

These day a new device has jumped up and bitten us in the "must have" section of our minds... The blackberry has come and it wants to take over the world. There was a time when only the biggest corporations had computers, then there was a time that only the flashest business men had cellular phones and (don't worry I wount go back to when only the strongest had spears and stayed in the "good" caves) now it seems that one day people were hearing about blackberry's on tv then the next thing you no, every1 and their brother had one. Sending instant messages every five seconds, taking pictures like cameras were a new invention and taking facebook addiction to a whole new level, these are jus some of the perks of the being a part of the "blackberry generation" but wow, does the list go on.

As Nigerians we have never been one to slack when it comes to trends, we where there doing the running man at Hammer time and we'll surely be there to surf the information highway while driving or doing our nails like the rest of the world. Blackberry's were made to aid the busy, fast paced world of the businessman or woman, with spread sheets, email, word documents and let's face it... All the goodies of a laptop or a communicator in the comfort of your shirt pocket. But ok... here's what I think happened, there must have been these hip world traveling business mums and as they never had anytime to see their kids, so they decided to give them both bb's. After school as they both sat tapping away, googling and taking pictures...their friends got jealous and presto...we have an in infulx of bejeweled bb's. Well that's just my philosophy anyway.

So walking down the streets these days your bound to find at least one person not really paying attention to what they are doing as they check their bb's for pings, emails, group requests, facebook notices, tweets, myspace notices and yes it goes on. Blackberry's are here to stay and other companies like the all encompasing apple are knicking their ideas which shows they got it right first time. It may have taken a wile but hey just ask a bb owner and I'm sure they'll tell you they are worth every penny..oh my bad, every kobo.

With Vals just around the corner everyone's bound to have some lovey dovey notions swimming around their heads, be them positive or negative...anyway...here what was swimming through mine:

What is a heart but flesh n blood, with veins to feed the body?
What is love but a flight of fancy when the head is full of emotion?
Why do we strive for things complex when words can soothe the soul?
Why do those three words make some weep but also make some cry?
The heart, we feel is what links these things when fact dictates sub-plots.
We search for love, when it surrounds us all, like icing on a cake.
Love differs to us all, but humans yet we remain.
What is a heart but flesh and blood and why do we feel so alone?


....Life...sheesh...anyway hope yall have a great day.