Where did my words go?

I was thinking about what to write and I also wanted to make sure it was something us guys can relate to. So here’s what I did, being the techno savvy guy that I am, I quickly went on Twitter and asked my peeps.

At first I thought no one was paying attention and I was Tweeting to blank space, when an old friend told me to analyze why it is that sometimes, no matter how suave or quick witted we are, there is always one girl out there that's like Kryptonite to us, all our lyrics, anecdotes and tried and true chat up lines seem to completely evaporate in their presence.

And you know what? It’s so true. For example, those that know me know I can be a laugh, and also know that I tend to have more close female friends than male. So in theory I should be great when it comes to chatting to the ladies, but if you've been there when a girl I like is even in the same vicinity. It’s ridiculous; I get lost for words and tend to reach for the driest possible jokes. So, yeah, I should know, there is always one lady out there that has our tongues tied up like a 4 year olds shoe laces.

There was this one time that my friends and I were hanging out at our usual haunt in PH and we had been cracking jokes, gisting and generally doing what we do when we're together, and then she walks in. I kid you not, if you could see this girl out of my eyes, the men out there would instantly start drooling and the women would cringe with inadequacy. I’m not going to go into how her lips always glisten with pouty allure and her smile makes you feel like NEPA had taken the light before she walked in and I shouldn’t mention how her body....you know what?....I won’t mention.

So urm… “Sam” (The names have been changed to protect the innocent) walks in and it just so happens I’m the first to see her. I stop mid-sentence and stare for a bit and my friends turn around and beckon her over, (now wait for my stupidity) everyone leans over and says “hi” but me? No, I don’t act like a normal person, I stand up and stretch out my hand like a robot, she shakes it expecting me to say something and whilst all my friends look at me in surprise at the speed my tush left my seat, I say “I need the bathroom” and proceed to run (I walked but my mind was thinking RUN RUN RUN) for the toilet.

Honestly, I don’t know what happened because I have talked to her several times but my mind and body got all muddled up just because “She” was around. Till this day my friends still mimic my “robot shake” and love to tell the tale to anyone we allow in our group.
So why is it that we all get flustered in front of that one person? Even you ladies, I’ve seen the most vivacious babe turn docile kitty cat in front of some hunk and it gets me wondering. “Was that God’s plan?”, “where we suppose to be all cute and innocent or dumb and blundering in front of the people we like?” I mean, I know it doesn’t happen to everyone but I think there must be a good reason.

This is just how things are, we see it every day in movies, when the girl walks past and the guy gazes longingly as he squirts ketchup in his tea. It’s just part of our everyday life and to be honest I personally think it takes self drive (or “Ginger” as I like to say)to learn to get over it. So next time he or she walks in, tell the butterflies in your stomach to calm down and the sweat ducts in your palms to take a chill pill (people still say that right?). Step up to them and act like they are just anyone else.

As usual, advice is easier said than done but what do you have to lose? Anythings better than gawking at them and saying “urrr…Hi, your eye balls look nice”.

With that said, here I am, writing and my aim is to get to the bottom of this through the combined help of all who read this. Why does this happen and though in some cases the loss of words dies down eventually, what else can we do because you know what they say about first impressions meaning everything and me? I don’t want to be face to face with a certain radio presenter and say “Urrrrm...I need to go to the bathroom” and run away...cause frankly, that aint a good look.

Isn't is funny?

Isn't it funny how most people that say "isn't it funny" aren't saying something funny at all?....I mean, if it was so funny you wouldn't have to put up a disclaimer before you said it now would ya?

But really though, isn't it funny how everyone has their own kind of love? It's weird cause some people don't know this but each and every one of us is wired differently. It dawned on me that a lot of us just go through the motions, doing what we think is expected of us, calling the appropriate amount of times, saying the right things, blah blah blah.

When what we should be doing is finding what makes us happy and working at keeping it. People tend to meet some one, fall into a relationship and just stay because it's easier..then they wonder why one person cheats or even turns gay (hey, its happened). Just like in the movies love differs for everyone, to one person the cliché roses and chocolate spewing out of a huge stuffed toy is just what cupid ordered. But to some one else a picnic in a cemetery or a sparkly skull and bones ankle bracelet is what they need.

We Nigerian's in Naija don't try hard enough, when was the last time you saw two truly in love people on the streets? Our culture is different, yes. But love is love...the heart beats and we all want to be acknowledged. So why don't we try and find what works for us and focus on that?

Ok, once again I have drifted from my point. Love is different for everyone. One person wants a listener another wants a talker and even more complicated are those that want someone to use nipple clamps and a ball gag...but that's gist for another day.

Know what you want and if you find some one willing to give you 60% of that... Then know you can find 90%. Settling for less is for quitters and those who want contentment over excitement.

But hey, what do I know right?

Tell me about it

Hey there peoples.. Sorry about the hiatus. Work is really getting the better of me, but not to worry I'm figuring it all out so there will be regular updates.

More to the point though, what you've missed....hmmm...well yours truly had a stint in the relationship game and well it was a short trip...but this isn't the time or place to be hashing out my love palava...lemme just say this.... I care a lot about her and the truth is that we just weren't to be. (Yeah..that's all your getting)

But as a newly single guy (once again) there seems to be a running theme everywhere I go...there was even an article on Bellanaija.com about "it"...yep I'm breaching the ever so delicate subject of "Sex". The article was about how no matter where you turn, sex is being thrown at you...you put on the radio in lag and Tools sexy voice is seranading you, you put on MTV and Beyonce has got another video showing of her extensive lingerie collection..and lest we forget those never ending curves. Oh and don't even get me started on Nikki Minaj...(Whoosaaah)

So what's that all about?...as a young well travelled young man.. I'm defiantly a victim to the sexual innuendo and joke on the regular basis but reading that article I really had to take a second and think it through...if its like his now..what the heck are our children in for?...casual sex has well and truly cracked the traditional, overly protective Nigeria and yes it's all still "under G" but I bet most of you either know people who are "friends with benefits" or even have some yourself.

I'm not here to judge...hails no!...I'm just hoping to get your minds on the same track as mine. Yes yes...sex is great but think about it...back when we were all innocents and then we had that 1st real kiss...come on guys..you know what I mean...that first time you felt something below the belt as the touch of that special someone. Personally when I look back my hopeless romantic side was soo strong back then, mine was under the moon light in a shopping centre walkway all dark, secluded and romantic. I stopped her mid speech.. Pulled her into me and laid the kiss on her..I'll never forget that day or that girl.

But since then it's not been the same. Some girls were amazing but some....weren't. The way I see is...the barrage of sex everywhere...and I mean everywhere (even toy story 3 had so many hidden jokes) this has desensitized us they same way movies have mad blood and guts a norm. Sex used to be a thing of love and passion but now its just a passed time.

Well, I'm done...I'm done with the thrill of the case, the lyrics and lies, I'm done with the guys meet where we rehash game plays and new skills acquired. Life is more than the horizontal mambo (although when done right it's defiantly worth the hassle). I aint running away from women oh, and I aint saying I'm turning into a monk...I'm just saying its time to live my life and stop letting social expectation run my everyday decision making...

Oh urm...I'd like to continue but uhhh... Someone just walked in here and I have to..errr...tell her some very important things...*wink*

Ps...thanx for the ginger kemi

I wanna be a Fireman

OK, so I've left you all lonesome for a little while but I'm back... All ranty and ragey as ever. See normally i don't ever overly personal (yeah, cause telling you about every girl I've ever dated aint personal) but I s'pose if I want to "connect" with my audience i need to give some details.

Hmmm, you see i just got this new job and it's quite tasking cause i have to pretty much be ahead of the game, need to up my socializing (or schmoozing which always sounds nicer) skills and be more of a sales person. Its quite tough because I'm used to sitting behind a desk all day designing stuff, but know i have to learn how to push, how to meet a celeb (well Naija does have those too you know) and talk to them like they were anyone else. I've done it before, although then i didn't know the person was a celebrity, but know its more serious. Any way my point here is that I've been busy, not busy "not doing anything cause I'm in a lazy mood" but actually busy busy.

Now that's out of the way, how are you? whats been going on? You been eating your fruit and veg?.... OK really, the reason I'm here typing is that i wanted to ask you all something.... You remember being a kid right? (wasn't so long ago for some but lets move on) Those days we really had no worries, except whose house we're gonna destroy after school and if maggi cube would actually taste like choco milo... But then we all couldn't just wait to be grown ups. I'm gonna be a pilot, I'm gonna be a doctor, I'm gonna be an actor....well that last one was me. And as you can see, i didn't exactly follow through on that one. Fair enough there's a tape some were in this big ol' world of me singing and dancing on stage during a production of Oliver Twist but if that was my five minutes of fame? me thinks i peaked way too early.

But hey, a lot of people stuck to their guns and got where they wanted to be. I know that Pilot and dude...how many doctors? But even if we didn't reach that final place we dreamed of in our lumber jack shirts and Doc Martins we are still here. Some didn't make it....
So here i sit, desk bound, s'pose to be doing research on Magazine companies in Nigeria and instead I'm talking to you. Doesn't that show you how i appreciate you? No? oh....well i do. We all had dreams as kids, life pushed us here and there and some of us clung to those dreams like a starving dog to a lamb chop whilst others kinda went with the flow of life and found themselves else were. It doesn't really matter, i think. Because when you pull out the magnifying glass and take a close look...even those that got just what they wanted may not be that happy. Life is all about give and take and the sooner we realize that sometimes the "give" is more than the "take" the sooner we'll all be happy.

I wanted to be an actor and know I'm a business analyst...who would have thought? But the good thing is that i can see my life taking shape so I'm happy and i know my inner child (who seems to be more outer child sometimes) is happy with that.

are u?

we should all come with labels on...

As per usual I was thinking (yes it does happen on occasion) and well wouldn't the world be a better place if we all had the appropriate labels attached to our ikkle booties when we're born? I'm not talking about the obvious "boy" or "girl" although some parents would have been saved a lot of stress if they saw a "girl" label on the bouncing (yet soon to be flaming) baby boy.

What I'm on about is the fact that we all never really know anyone...not even our brothers or sisters who tormented us our entire lives. But this wouldn't be the case if when you were three you saw amongst you brothers baby pics a label which read; "caution: this child will allways believe he's right. He should be kept away from open flames and will be prone to throwing sharp objects to see who's stupid enough to catch them. Be warned, if not a last child, others will be locked in cupboards and fed sand"

Ok I know a lot of you are wondering which one of my brothers I'm talking about here....I mixed a bunch of stuff up so stop.
With that said, just think about how easy meeting girls would be? "Caution: not good with alcohol, will cheat on first few boyfriends, is great with her hands, never leave alone in crowded places". That would just be awesome (not for her first few victims of course but by now you should be on the same page as me...or at least the same chapter.

This little rant came to me the other day when I was reading the cautions on a drug I got. It was kinda worrying, as I got this drug to help me feel better and here was a lovely list of things that "could" go wrong. So in my head I was reading "this drug is good but you've heard of russian roulette right?...well those are the kind of odds you've got here...you either get better or have blurred vision and maybe lose you sight all together, but hey, you were warned right?" Yeah now I really feel like taking it.

So that's what usually happens with people too, you hear rave reviews about how funny they are or how beautiful but like I said...there's no frickin caution label on. No, "he has really, really bad breath, but is sure to make you laught" or no "she is gorgeous but wait till she smiles and you see the jaggered rocks hidden within oh and just so you know, she thinks tylanol is the panadol they use in thiahand"

But I guess suck is life, we make choices and in turn have to live with them, its just like this poster I saw "they say life is short so live every day to the fullest...you may get hit by a bus tomorrow" and yeah we've all heard that but then it goes on to say "that's bulshit, life is preety damn long and the chances of you being hit by a bus are slim, so just remember, those choices you make, you're gona have to live with them for a long ass time" and its true. Remember when you were 6? Exactly...that was a frickin long time ago...and we're spose to live till we're 70...you do the math.

All I'm saying is if we came with labels a lot of the guess work would be done for us. But then I'm just ranting as I sit in this lobby waiting for a meeting so take what you will.

Later.