im writing you a letter...its been a while now n nada. im writing u this because im pissed. im writing you this because i watch way2much tv and i dont know what else2do. i promised you id never hurt u and i promised you i wouldnt let u leave me without a fight. so here i am... you told me its hard for you, you tried2 explain how you felt and i guess i just didnt fully understand because im still here thinking about u and wondering if your ok. i worry about you all the time and now im writing you because i still love you. life is short, life is hard. we all have2make decisions daily that change the entire course of out future. i dont know what its like for yo but i know im pissed evry day i tell myself not to call u. im annoyed everytime somthing happens in my life and i dont text you. but i have to b a man for fuck sake. if i keep putting all of myself into a relationship then its no suprise i usually end up hurt. dont get me wrong im not questioning your feelings for me or making excuses for you but rather explaining to myself. you have your life to lead and all the caring in the world aint gona make a diffrence if im over here and your over there.
i havnt forgoten the first nite we flirted on the fone and the shivers i got when you told me u loved me but iv come to terms with the fact that i have done everything in my power to keep u loving me. im no genious, i dont have parents that give me evrything i want but i know i have a good heart and i gave it all to you the 1st day i woke up next to u. im a sissy when it comes to alot of things but i dont wana bitch out now. i sit in vgc writing this as mosquitos buzz around me and iv told myself i wount give in. im waiting for you. im waiting for you to ask if im ok, im waiting for u to tell me how school has been going, im waiting for you to ask me y i havent called or mailed...im evn waiting for an lol response to my black nylon story.
i told you im here for u...and now understand thats not enough. so im not taking my heart back from you but im just keeping alil of it back in a box. i hurt evrytime i try but im not gona stop trying. i love you and ive hurt several people because of that but that doesnt matter right now.
im not sending you this so if you actually are reading this 1of 2things have happend.
i love you no matter what peanut and my feelings havent lessend. im just writing this because i miss talking2u...
i just miss you but haven't been enough 4both of us.
jly.x
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Home is where the fart is
I have come to realise another thing this morning (I tend to think a lot don't I?), well whilst I parade in the slowest fashion to work in depression inspired traffic I took stock of my life...(in bite size chunks cause a feature film would surpass the2 hour journey). I don't seem2have a home...I mean, its not like I'm a hobo or a leaching house jumper, but as I'm never in my parents house and I don't have a place of my own yet - I'm pretty close to a homeless guy. The major difference being that I have a job and good friends.
Ok, I'll do a little recap of the past 10 years for you; stayed in a hostel, then another one, then to a house, then with a friend, on to my uncles and now I'm at another friends. The longest I ever stayed at HOME was 3 months about two years ago. Which brings me to my initial point. We as humans need to be able to find association with home and comfort or else we feel lost. So when in a situation like mine we convince ourselves where ever we are is home.
Many people find themselves in similar situations all the time and some tend to feel down or lost, but it happens to us all an is just part of the becoming who we are process.
So where ever you end up, with your aunt, in a bq with a random cousin or just the back room with a friends friend. Remember that this is a transitional place..work hard for your future and you'll be harbouring randoms yourself in no time.
Home is where the heart is...and if you can fart without looking around anxiously, your pretty much at home.
Ok, I'll do a little recap of the past 10 years for you; stayed in a hostel, then another one, then to a house, then with a friend, on to my uncles and now I'm at another friends. The longest I ever stayed at HOME was 3 months about two years ago. Which brings me to my initial point. We as humans need to be able to find association with home and comfort or else we feel lost. So when in a situation like mine we convince ourselves where ever we are is home.
Many people find themselves in similar situations all the time and some tend to feel down or lost, but it happens to us all an is just part of the becoming who we are process.
So where ever you end up, with your aunt, in a bq with a random cousin or just the back room with a friends friend. Remember that this is a transitional place..work hard for your future and you'll be harbouring randoms yourself in no time.
Home is where the heart is...and if you can fart without looking around anxiously, your pretty much at home.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The things we do for love.
Its funny, I'm talking bout how funny we act when we "think" we're in love. Come on, think about it; we stop the human self preservation instinct and start putting som1 else 1st. How weird is that?..scientifically of course..its called self preservation for a reason. Single people will have 20 bucks and think shit...how's this gonna get me2my next pay check but some1 in love is all like..hhmmm don't think 20 bucks I'd enough for our date...DATE?..is that what's really important at this point in time?
Well it happens, to all of us...even those of us who like to think they're immune..the hard guys, players and jaded chicks..we all sucome2mushy-isims every now and then.
When there's a love interest...and I mean love not crush or lust...we drop everything n start thinking how we're gonna get to be around this person. We miss work, lie to our friends even skip bowling night..its unreal...bowling night damn it!
That's why I came to terms with love...did you ever notice they never say "smartly in love" or "organised in love" its always "crazy for her" or "mad about him" n let's not forget the basic "fall in love"...last time I checked, falling was a bad thing.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, we all do it, birds, bees, even educated flees...we all are suceptable2that earthly affliction called love. But as we have our opposable thumbs that keep us at the top of the food chain...we should be wiser about these things. Its all well and good to be googoo gaga at age 16 and even when you just hit 20...but if we still falling, tripping and being mad all over the place after a certain age...we have a problem.
Be smart about it..wake up and smell the coffee..when your heart starts pounding faster and your thinking about erecting a stadium in her honour. Stop, Look, And listen...is she worth it and is he really who you think he is? Love hurts but is also the key to our humanity. So take you time and do it right.
I mean...you only live once, so let's not spend half of it sulking over some girl that tookyo ur heart n ran or some guy that "inevitably" slept with your friend.
Live your life...but be smart about it.
Well it happens, to all of us...even those of us who like to think they're immune..the hard guys, players and jaded chicks..we all sucome2mushy-isims every now and then.
When there's a love interest...and I mean love not crush or lust...we drop everything n start thinking how we're gonna get to be around this person. We miss work, lie to our friends even skip bowling night..its unreal...bowling night damn it!
That's why I came to terms with love...did you ever notice they never say "smartly in love" or "organised in love" its always "crazy for her" or "mad about him" n let's not forget the basic "fall in love"...last time I checked, falling was a bad thing.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, we all do it, birds, bees, even educated flees...we all are suceptable2that earthly affliction called love. But as we have our opposable thumbs that keep us at the top of the food chain...we should be wiser about these things. Its all well and good to be googoo gaga at age 16 and even when you just hit 20...but if we still falling, tripping and being mad all over the place after a certain age...we have a problem.
Be smart about it..wake up and smell the coffee..when your heart starts pounding faster and your thinking about erecting a stadium in her honour. Stop, Look, And listen...is she worth it and is he really who you think he is? Love hurts but is also the key to our humanity. So take you time and do it right.
I mean...you only live once, so let's not spend half of it sulking over some girl that tookyo ur heart n ran or some guy that "inevitably" slept with your friend.
Live your life...but be smart about it.
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