Friends like these...

We all grew up with them, different people that have been there with us through out our ups and downs, or red light, green light games, Ten ten, skipping rope, who stole the meat form the cooking pot sessions, camping trips, when had our 1st taste of alcohol, Twister, truth or dare marathons (you know you planned with your friends before time, who would be kissing whom....I know I did *wink*) and all those other memorable moments. It's great because we have different people who serve different purposes in our lives, the groups tend to come and go but like all the regular changes we go through as we grow into adulthood, we roll with the punches and get on with life. Thank God for Facebook cause otherwise a lot of us never would have spoken again.

Friends are important, cause as they say, no man is an island. We will always need partners in crime and people to stop us from doing all those stupid things we usually would ("No Jite, jumping off that ledge is not a good idea. I know you can do it and you probably will survive but lets do something else now ok?"). People to inflate our egos and make us feel special when we need it ("Of course she's gay, why else would she ignore you sweet lines like that?"). We also have those friends who do just the opposite, they mooch off us, take our stuff, always need something but yet as we complain to others about them, we still seem to turn up when they can't foot the bar tab you didn't help them build.

That's why they are friends, I always used to say "it's not by force" to have friends but, oh boy does it help. Even though they make fun of us, tell us when we have something in our teeth, ask us how we left the house dressed like that or honestly look us in the eye and say, "dude, are you getting fatter?". As much as these things piss us off, it's only a true friend that will meet you after work and the first thing they say is "you know your fly is undone right" and you had used the bathroom like 4 hours ago and no one in that time had said anything, even during that presentation you just gave, you just have to live and learn.

Growing up I had a tight knit group of friends who would walk around with me in our silly shorts and play Ghost busters, we lived in the same area and even though there where no mobile phones our parents could always find us come dinner time. We grew up and life led us in different directions, we sometimes see or mail but it will never be the same. That friend that 1st told you about girls, the one that taught you how to pull a wheelie, that girl that managed to infiltrate the group and was literally all our 1st crush (mummies and Daddies...lol...those innocent days). They all have new lives now, went to collage, Uni, a random country but even though they may be far away right now, they helped us become who we are now.

The people we grew up to be have surely, at one point or another infiltrated different social groups, spent a time as a grunge skater boy, bought Timberland boots and baggy jeans, been a sports nut with jerseys and constant sports chatter but these are all just a right of passage. I know girls out there that have changed their looks so many times I have to do a double take every time I leave her for more than a month, or those ones that use their hair styles to show case how they are feeling in that precise moment.

Today I have new groups of friends, the ones I served with, the ones I went to uni with, the ones who know my past, the ones I went crazy with and well, the ones who know me now and still call me up every Friday to blow off steam. As we grow, our needs, wants and habits change, so our close friends tend to emulate the things we need now. In my case, I'm not going to label the friends that tolerate me on my blog as that is a sure fire way to lose them, but the cuteness monster, shisha king, scscscscatter, sweet pea, D gurl, Wheelz, 8grls, Alfie, d-lo-brown, inspector Glaucoma, junky goth, delz, linil, the Dr and oh so many more have kept me sane through these past few odd years. They don't know it but I have been through so much that if their sporadic txts, calls and mails hadn't been there, only God knows what I would have done.

So here's to friends *imaginary champagne flute in the air* for those that kept me awake with midnight calls, those that reduced my much needed sleep just to have me around, those that made me drive the length of Lagos just to say hi, those that were there for me and those that weren't. Thank you for allowing me to bitch and moan to you. Thank you for being there even when I didn't want you to be and most importantly, for those reading. Thanks for the support. Even though my dyslexic ass can't spell, and my tendency to ramble, you're still here reading my words.

So enough with the mushy stuff, friends are there, and we just need to get over our personal crap to realize how important the ones we have are, if you can't think of a good one right now. Then I would advise some heavy re-evaluation of your current status. Or hey, you know what?...just look me up.

Why don't you study Engineering?

Growing up, all of us had an inner creative and I know for a fact that I dreamed of being a highly paid advertiser the likes of those in "Mad Men". But in Nigeria at least, most of our parents would hear about these dreams and the speech would start. In my best old school Nigerian dad voice; "Why don't you study Engineering?" and I would usually respond with "But that's not what I want to do" and the diatribe would go on and on about how I want to paint signs on the side of the road for a living and that kind of suffer head is not a good plan (add in a ton my parents heavy sarcasm with added laughter just to drive the point home).

So at the end of the day we are usually reminded who pays the fees and tend to buckle. We go to uni and study engineering, medicine, law or for the lucky or hard headed, mass comm, thinking that after all the fuss that was made; a freshly mown career path is waiting for us on the other side.... Oh how misguided our youths were.

We go through Uni, and depending on the person the reading:playing ratio differs but somehow we eventually come out the other side. Back in our folks day it was Uni, Service (which actually functioned perfectly for some), then straight into a career, but us lucky new age, MTV generation (I think d next batch will b the "blackberry/skinny jeans generation but that's a rant for another day) we came out of Uni at a time when a Bachelors degree was as handy as your Jamb result, so you had two options; Join the mass hunt for jobs with overly skilled, better qualified people all around you and hope you’re hardcore enough, or join the mass exodus for more qualifications.

Those that bailed sharply for their masters slowly found out that masters degrees seem to be like pure water, they come in different types and are very useful but they really are everywhere. And those that didn’t found out the hard way that unless they had an uncle working in a conglomo to let them in or parents to foot the bill for the building of their very own empire, they would literally have to start from the ground up. Personally I have really seen life, from working in a company that made me do all the work promising me the world and then the MD fleeing to another country without paying me 3months salary, to another company that had me designing their template then hiring a cheaper guy to use it. It’s not easy.
But then who ever said it would be, was lying or just in denial. Life goes on and the hard times continue, we find everyday brings with it a new challenge and whether you were a 1st class electrical engineer with a masters in business admin or a 3rd class geodetic engineer from IMSU, the working world is bound to throw you for a loop. There are so many people I know that didn’t play at all in Uni and where as focused as a zombie is on brains but found it hard to find their footing once in the real world. And on the flip side there were some that treated Uni as a 5 year spring break session in Miami and found kick ass jobs right away. So there really isn’t a hard and fast rule although some hard work ethics may help.
All those creative people that ended up as lawyers or doctors never truly lost sight of that inner creativity, many spent time making jewelry or printing shirts and posters in Uni to make that extra buck and after Uni just left it all behind and got on with life. Some stuck with it, leaving their BSc behind and found themselves in media or art inclined businesses, while others just took what they could get. But I think things are changing, people are realizing the potential of doing what you love. A friend recently told me how her father that used to drive her onto the “big boys” career path had a discussion with her the other day about how if she wants to be a clothing designer, he can hook her up with manufacturers in Paris and that if she has a dream then she should go for it.
This conversation was what spurred me on to write this because I have been hearing more of the same thing recently; people’s parents who were sticklers for “Study this and Read that” all of a sudden are realizing that the world really isn’t the same place it used to be. Those days’ doctors were one of the most respected and well paid people around, but now I know more graphic artists that are making it big.
The times are changing and I can imagine in the near future when a child says “I want to be a writer” their Nigerian parents will nurture that need and keep driving the child onwards and even if they change their mind a million time like children do, their parents would be there to guide along life’s crooked and treacherous paths.
Ok, it’s disclaimer time. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are loads of parents out there that nurture their children’s creative talents or even instill some in them but what we have to remember is that we are the future and we will have to make a lot of those tough decisions soon. Most parents that push their children into Law or Engineering are doing because they want what is best for them, but usually the result is children graduating with a BSc in what they didn’t want to do and saying, “Ok so I’ve done what you want, now it’s time to do what I want to do”. It would be a mistake to think that it was a waste of 4 or 5 years in a course they didn’t care much for but they grew up in that time and became who they would be for the rest of their lives, so all in all, something was gained.
Now go on and think about it, what did you want to be and what are you doing now? It’s not meant to be a glass half empty exercise it’s just me trying to let you know it’s never too late. Add aspects of what you like in your job or even in your everyday life, you like creativity, fiddle with power point for the next presentation, design the new company cards, talk to the marketing department about your ideas for a radio jingle, there are loads of ways. With this, you are bound to find more happiness at work and in life and trust me we all need some of that, besides, before you get all complacent or high and mighty, you’re eventually going to be the one with the job of raising a child and then you’ll have to tell your own kids what to do.

Just Living the Life

As a young man trying to make it in Lagos I can tell you, it’s not a walk in the park. Lagos is what I like to call the New York City of Africa (even though I’ve only been to several west African countries) and as such there are a million and one things that get in the way of day to day planning, strategizing and general money making. I could really go on about how our Power Holding Company insist on “holding the power” and the crazy traffic makes moving about even more stressful, but what I’m to talk about is more… how you say basic.

Let’s look at our typical Nigerian business ethic (or lack thereof, in most cases). In most, so called 1st world countries, even the little things like customer service have been taken care of (flash backs of customer service training at Burger King come to mind) so they don’t have frustrated customers who are welcomed with “What do you want?” or scowling staff who are more occupied with their lunch or painting their nails than what brought you through 3 hours of traffic and into their establishments, brandishing your hard earned money. So just at the entrance, most people don’t even bother with the shop, office, restaurant or where ever, they just have to chin up and bear it, or like Jay-Z says “On to the next one”.

So there’s a tip right there, most people remember places they’ve been in Nigeria where the service was above average and trust me, they keep going back. Taking that into consideration is just the 1st step to doing well here, in any line of business that includes the public.

As a budding creative, it’s not easy starting something in a country where the office politics tend to be so stifling, huge conglomo’s like MTN never do overly creative campaigns like their European mates Orange or the American Verizon. It’s not like we don’t have the talent over here, we sure as the grass is wet in a rain storm, do. So why is it that most of the billboards we see are all lacking in creative tact or subtle messages, everything is always “BUY US, WE’RE REALLY GOOD!”. Well from my experience it’s all about the big wigs. If they don’t understand it straight away or their friend in “Random Mc Ad firm” is pitching something else then, nothing for Mr. Intelligent concept guy. So most artists tend to start their own firms or bend to the will of their very own creatively draining company.

Moving on, I do have to say Lagos is kicking ass though, at least we’re not drowning in all the “Ikenna and son’s” over here. So that’s definitely a step in the right direction.

On another note, let’s talk about the social aspect of our fair city, with the rate of flexation over here it’s surprising anyone gets any work done. There’s a launch today, a cocktail party tomorrow, a show the day after and those friends of yours just came into town two days ago, so it’s time to hit all the hot spots and have fun with them while you can. But the question now is, “how in heavens name do you do it all?”

This is where the art of time management comes in; many “players” (yes people are still called that and in this day and age females are just as skilled at it, if not even more so from what I’ve heard) are skilled at it. Seeing four girls in the same state at the same time, but yet never the four shall meet. Seriously, I have a friend who was dating four girls. One was the main girl he’d take to social gatherings with family and friends, one was the babe he’d take clubbing and boat cruising (solo runs), one was strictly a booty call for those late, lonely nights and one was his out of town girl who was always ready to fly in (all bills paid) at the drop of a bbm. With this skill which he had groomed since our secondary school days, he manages a small company, makes and sells shirts and also freelances as a creative consultant.

I’ll be honest with you, I used to give him “holier than thou” speeches all the time about getting to old for all that but If I had learnt this “playerism” earlier my life, everything would be more straight forward, because I find myself trying to do everything at once and please everyone, which in turn leaves me drained all the time. He was forced to learn how to plan ahead and think on his toes, so like when two of the girls are in the same vicinity, he weighs his options and sets himself on a planned route of action (escape is a better word for this scenario). This is perfect for business because it taught him how to act fast and smart. So when his shirt business was being pushed out by the multitude of rivals that sprung from nowhere, he weighed his options and focused on the company he was managing till the competition lost steam and then coolly and calmly set back about his shirt business with less stress in his life, but more money in his pockets.

We could all learn something from him (the positive parts of course, although no hearts were broken in the making of this article) and I do have to say moving to Lagos was a tough move but a smart one, because you can’t learn anything if there is no real pressure and experienced completion around you.

All I know is, with all the hurdles we have to scale on a daily basis, if you haven’t learned to deal with them and (like I used to) whine and moan about them instead of actually stepping up to the plate and knocking it out of the park, then Lagos is not for you. You can live here but you surely will not thrive (unless like a lucky plenty have a well placed uncle or friend).

Like I heard once, “don’t fight the flow, move with it”. I used to hate this city….but now; I’m living the life, Lasgidi style.

Where did my words go?

I was thinking about what to write and I also wanted to make sure it was something us guys can relate to. So here’s what I did, being the techno savvy guy that I am, I quickly went on Twitter and asked my peeps.

At first I thought no one was paying attention and I was Tweeting to blank space, when an old friend told me to analyze why it is that sometimes, no matter how suave or quick witted we are, there is always one girl out there that's like Kryptonite to us, all our lyrics, anecdotes and tried and true chat up lines seem to completely evaporate in their presence.

And you know what? It’s so true. For example, those that know me know I can be a laugh, and also know that I tend to have more close female friends than male. So in theory I should be great when it comes to chatting to the ladies, but if you've been there when a girl I like is even in the same vicinity. It’s ridiculous; I get lost for words and tend to reach for the driest possible jokes. So, yeah, I should know, there is always one lady out there that has our tongues tied up like a 4 year olds shoe laces.

There was this one time that my friends and I were hanging out at our usual haunt in PH and we had been cracking jokes, gisting and generally doing what we do when we're together, and then she walks in. I kid you not, if you could see this girl out of my eyes, the men out there would instantly start drooling and the women would cringe with inadequacy. I’m not going to go into how her lips always glisten with pouty allure and her smile makes you feel like NEPA had taken the light before she walked in and I shouldn’t mention how her body....you know what?....I won’t mention.

So urm… “Sam” (The names have been changed to protect the innocent) walks in and it just so happens I’m the first to see her. I stop mid-sentence and stare for a bit and my friends turn around and beckon her over, (now wait for my stupidity) everyone leans over and says “hi” but me? No, I don’t act like a normal person, I stand up and stretch out my hand like a robot, she shakes it expecting me to say something and whilst all my friends look at me in surprise at the speed my tush left my seat, I say “I need the bathroom” and proceed to run (I walked but my mind was thinking RUN RUN RUN) for the toilet.

Honestly, I don’t know what happened because I have talked to her several times but my mind and body got all muddled up just because “She” was around. Till this day my friends still mimic my “robot shake” and love to tell the tale to anyone we allow in our group.
So why is it that we all get flustered in front of that one person? Even you ladies, I’ve seen the most vivacious babe turn docile kitty cat in front of some hunk and it gets me wondering. “Was that God’s plan?”, “where we suppose to be all cute and innocent or dumb and blundering in front of the people we like?” I mean, I know it doesn’t happen to everyone but I think there must be a good reason.

This is just how things are, we see it every day in movies, when the girl walks past and the guy gazes longingly as he squirts ketchup in his tea. It’s just part of our everyday life and to be honest I personally think it takes self drive (or “Ginger” as I like to say)to learn to get over it. So next time he or she walks in, tell the butterflies in your stomach to calm down and the sweat ducts in your palms to take a chill pill (people still say that right?). Step up to them and act like they are just anyone else.

As usual, advice is easier said than done but what do you have to lose? Anythings better than gawking at them and saying “urrr…Hi, your eye balls look nice”.

With that said, here I am, writing and my aim is to get to the bottom of this through the combined help of all who read this. Why does this happen and though in some cases the loss of words dies down eventually, what else can we do because you know what they say about first impressions meaning everything and me? I don’t want to be face to face with a certain radio presenter and say “Urrrrm...I need to go to the bathroom” and run away...cause frankly, that aint a good look.

Isn't is funny?

Isn't it funny how most people that say "isn't it funny" aren't saying something funny at all?....I mean, if it was so funny you wouldn't have to put up a disclaimer before you said it now would ya?

But really though, isn't it funny how everyone has their own kind of love? It's weird cause some people don't know this but each and every one of us is wired differently. It dawned on me that a lot of us just go through the motions, doing what we think is expected of us, calling the appropriate amount of times, saying the right things, blah blah blah.

When what we should be doing is finding what makes us happy and working at keeping it. People tend to meet some one, fall into a relationship and just stay because it's easier..then they wonder why one person cheats or even turns gay (hey, its happened). Just like in the movies love differs for everyone, to one person the cliché roses and chocolate spewing out of a huge stuffed toy is just what cupid ordered. But to some one else a picnic in a cemetery or a sparkly skull and bones ankle bracelet is what they need.

We Nigerian's in Naija don't try hard enough, when was the last time you saw two truly in love people on the streets? Our culture is different, yes. But love is love...the heart beats and we all want to be acknowledged. So why don't we try and find what works for us and focus on that?

Ok, once again I have drifted from my point. Love is different for everyone. One person wants a listener another wants a talker and even more complicated are those that want someone to use nipple clamps and a ball gag...but that's gist for another day.

Know what you want and if you find some one willing to give you 60% of that... Then know you can find 90%. Settling for less is for quitters and those who want contentment over excitement.

But hey, what do I know right?