To fail is to learn how to win

This is kinda personal, its basically stuff that's always on my mind so i thought id just let it all out and see what happens. This is about me and the women of my past, you see every girl iv liked has affected my life in some way and im just coming to terms with it. Some were a good influence and well some.....were not. But the point is that if you don't learn from every experience you've encountered or had the good fortune to be tossed your way, well then you're just passing time and not really living.

OK, I'm majorly writing this for my own benefit and not looking to start a debate or just look for trouble. This is just me reminding myself to live,learn and love. If you pick up something along the way...goodie.

It all started when i was young and a lot more impressionable than a kid at a magic show. She was so nice to me and we were good friends i guess, so wen my friends told me she wanted to be my girlfriend i kinda freaked out, i had never even thought of her like that and this was gonna be my first girlfriend. I didn't want to hurt her so i just said yes. only to get home from the youth club disco (yes, that's how young i was) and realize id just goofed big time....we broke up 2 days later.
- (lesson: if its not a reciprocal thing...it aint gona work. so just her liking you is not enough)


A few years later in a different school i fall head over heals for this girl. we hang out a lot and have fun, as kid do. Then one night we kiss and as 1st kisses go, it was phenomenal, im ova d moon and so ask her out. we're happy in this relationship until presto, she gets bored and ends it only to reel me back in a couple weeks later. See she was my 1st real love...i kept going back to her every time (im so not telling you how many times) but eventually i realized we were not meant to be together so this time i end it and for the last time.
- (lesson: if she can hurt you once, she can do it 100 times. its just up to you to decide)


So there i was, hurt n disappointed with the world when this new girl joins our school. Sexy, mysterious, pretty and as far as high school goes, bad. id admire her from far all the time as we were in totally different worlds but one day someone told me she liked me. i couldn't believe it till she found me one evening and told me herself. So I'm no moron, that was it... i was with a girl i used think about all the time and it was great.....until we realized our separate worlds just didn't match. Me wit my rollerblading, action junkie crew and her with the bomber jacket wearing smokers. we were young and just couldn't find the strength or put in the effort to make it work.
- (lesson: find someone who's world you can live in or can live in yours, its a relationship, not a dictatorship)


My lil'heart still looking for a beat to sync wit realizes his good friend in art class makes it beat a little faster each class but as fate would have it, shes a good friend and tells me everything including how she has a major crush on another friend of mine. So i make it my job to ensure her happiness and get together.
- (lesson: STAY OUT OF D FRIEND ZONE) a lesson i never seemed to learn well enough.


There more of course, a bit older but not much wiser, off i went to collage, scarred but still smiling. Some friends i i decide to go watch a movie and have a group bonding session. But low and behold the others in the group pair up and just two of us are left, i have no idea what came over me but i think our friends make out sesh drove us on a walk where i did a movie-esk grab and kiss under a flowery archway in the moon lite, starting my next adventure...she was great, funny, smart, pretty and basically my girlfriend. Everything was great till life happened. i had a lot of personal crap going on (work, family crisis, travel chaos, the works) and i didn't want to drag her into it so i broke up wit her n thought id done the right thing.
- (lesson: unless both parties try to make it work n share their stress and problems, it aint gonna happen. Barney says it best "caring is sharing")


Ok so now more time past and im in another country. She cares but there's always just something off, she kept nagging me constantly about where i was or who i was with. The pestering finaly got much, so i started asking my own questions, just to find she was playing mind games n eventually learn she was the one actually cheating.
- (lesson: if shes paranoid n jealous all d time shes probably the one hiding somthing.)

I really could go on because there is a lot more to be said but to be totally honest here, you don't really care do u? what with all own troubles and joys fluttering around you, but iv done my part in writing all i have and you've read this much so we're even. hey, you even got to know me a'lil better n i got to vent a bit.

Life's a learning process and there aint no short cuts, iv bin hurt but i also learned somthing each time. i keep at it cause that's what we humans do, you fall down, so get up and dust urself off, but you watch your step next time...

Parting words i knicked from somewhere.
"Just because the rose died on the vine. Doesn't mean it lied 2u wen it was in bloom."

WHY THE LEAD ONs

There i was ready to design some stunning art work for some communications company and as i switch on the computer and get ready to really get stuck it to the work, i see a text document on my desktop. Im like "hey, who left this here" (if you know me, you'll know I'm very pinikety about my desktop tidiness) any way, no one owned up to it so i gave it a gander. Low and behold it was actually quite good...it was a woman's point of view on why you women find it so hard to turn some guys away. well, I'll just let you read it;

I’ve always wondered why women take time to say no to guys. When I say guys I mean the ones that come like knights in shinning amour. The ones with the angelic face and magical touch. As good as they look a lady can or should only pick one out of all the miracles knocking at her door. Now what happens to the others? You would say: WE LEAD THEM ON…. Now why do we do that? Well, I’ve always wondered that and during my search for answers, I got so many stories like;

⁃ He’s just too nice to be treated that way.
⁃ He’s very emotional and I don’t want to hurt him.
⁃ I don’t care. ⁃ I told him but he didn’t seem to get it.
⁃ I’ll let you know as I continue with my research.

However, what I deducted from all our stories is that every girl wants to be appreciated, wanted and fussed over. This is what makes even the most independent women hesitate in their No’s when it comes down to it. We all want the regular calls, heart warming text messages the flattery, flirting, attention and care that used to be in our relationship at the very beginning when the fire was burning intensely from the masculine side of the wall and so even though we know quite well that when it comes to it, a big No is more like it, we still stall till it becomes inevitable. Then we say “what the hell, No, I can’t go out with you”

Ok, so its not exactly nobel peace prize winning stuff and could just be an extract from a random girly website, but it did the job. It got me thinking. As a "nice guy" I've heard all this malarkey before, "i just like the attention", "its not like i begged him to take me to the concert" or even "its not like i was doing anything else" but inevitably they always end up with a huge hairy "But". Sometimes the persistent nice guy gets the girl but usually she gets bored of all the late night calls and texts so sweet diabetics would be weary of them. So i guess as with almost every aspect of male/female relations, this is just another thing we have to get used to (Mr nice guy...I'm talking to you) see women love attention and if you want her to notice you, its all well and good to bombard all her senses with sweetness and romance but if you don't change gears after a short while you may end up in the zone of no return, "the friend Zone". Once a nice guy gets benched in "the zone" its harder than a hobbit throwing away a ring to get out.

Women will lead guys on because its in their programming, guys learn young that if you want something, you go get it cause it aint sprouting wings and fluttering over. But girls on the other hand learn that if something good comes their way, they do what they can to keep it around as long as possible.

I guess what I've learned in my own way is that to much of any thing can get quite sickening and its the same with the ladies. "the perfect man" could turn out to be "the annoying man" if the term moderation is not applied in good doses to any relationship...even if its a one night stand. I heard about some movie where they explained a smidgen about the woman's mind, it was a scene were a little girl goes home crying about how a boy in her class kept bullying her, the mother kneels down next to her and with a loving warm smile says something like "sweetie, its alright. Tommy does those mean things because he doesn't know any other way to show you that he likes you". That was that, it explained so much to me because if you think about it, the sweet boy who defended her or helped her get the gum out of her hair was no were in that picture. She remembers the bad boy and the good boy gets sidelined. so this is just a rough summation but basically the women in our lives want the bad boys but keep the good boys around out of necessity. I mean who else is gonna come over a 11 p.m. with a box of tissues, tubs of blue bunny ice cream, a large pizza and a warm smile?